Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how frustrating and worrisome this situation must be for you. You are clearly a loving and caring grandmother. You also see things in a level perspective. I say this because you have identified what do indeed seem to be the two very important issues here: the showers and secrets. And you recognize that you have to be careful in actions taken so that they don't backfire, which is so important.
And this is actually the key to my answer to you.There is good reason to be prudent and not to act quickly and impulsively. You are right about this. DCSF, the father has to remember, can only act on evidence it has in place. The father and you have years of knowledge about the situation; DCSF only has the information it's been told by the various "players" and it has no way to sort out who's telling the truth and who's being malicious and who's being vengeful or spiteful, etc.
Therefore, were the father to file another complaint without clear evidence, he would begin to establish his position as being a problem rather than the mother being a problem. Because he's making assertions that have no evidence that DCSF can use to back up his statements.
I know this is very frustrating. I've known lawyers in Child Protective Services in my state, for example, who are also frustrated when they do see something is going on but there's no evidence. And I've talked to the case workers in Social Services and they are in a tough position: who are they supposed to believe?
Therefore, it's very important for you and the father to keep being vigilant. For two reasons. First, as soon as there is any actual evidence, then you have something to report. So keep watching for actual evidence. And second, because even though you can't yet do anything to change your granddaughter's situation, don't underestimate the importance of being in her life. And if the father and you the grandmother get the mother to the point where she begins to withhold contact, then your influence will be minimized and that would be a shame and a real loss for the girl.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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