Granddaughter (5 years) has revealed that she showered with a female adult and mother instructed her to not tell her father because he would make fun of mother. This is second time daughter has been allowed to shower with same person (both naked and washing each other.) Although person is related, child had only recently met her. Mother lied to social workers about who the person was. There is absolutely no doubt who it was. DCFS was called by father after first incident and they found no issues. Mother appears to be more concerned about protecting this adult then her own daughter. Mothers boyfriend (now husband) has also instructed child to keep secret from her mother. Secret involved child, then 4, sitting on his lap and passenger front seat while driving around looking at xmas lights. When police car appeared, child was told to duck to avoid trouble. When asked if her mom knew about it, she replied "no, because mommy will spank me". While the mother and husband are spankers, mother has never been too concerned about car safety. To me, the plausible scenario is that the child was told by the boyfriend to not tell her mother or else! So there are two issues here (at least). One being the showers and the other being the secrets. Should the father once again report to DCSF? Father has primary custody. How can this child be helped going forward if the situation does not improve?
Welcome to Just answer !
I am sorry to learn about the situation that your granddaughter has been struggling with and I empathize with you and her.
Well from what you have narrated it seems like the child is not only being raised callously by her mother and her husband but at her tender age they are setting bad examples before her by making her to lie before her biological father and even in front of the authorities which by all means is not the right teaching that a parent is expected to impart to her child.
Secondly there seems to be a tremendous pressure upon the tender shoulders of the poor child to obey to her mother and her husband mainly because she fears / dreads the punishment that may follow if she falters in obeying the command. This is nothing less than abuse as parents are not supposed to torment their children like this.
Lastly there is a big conundrum regarding the role of the female adult with whom she has taken shower, which has been concealed from her own father. Why would a person lie and hide if nothing malicious is there .
So all in all the motive to point out these important agendas in this tricky scenario was to tell you that child's father has valid reasons to go to the DCSF and demand a further probe and questioning into the rearing of the child and seek definite answers to some very valid questions.
I believe the father should be most concerned about the safety and emotional well being of his child and if that calls for a stricter action by seeking DCSF again then be it that way.
I believe this situation needs to improve at any cost and with a stricter approach and action from father's side with obvious involvement of concerned authorities,so there is no point in thinking about compromising the child's emotional and physical well being and seeking an alternative path.
I hope this helps.
Wish you all the best and I pray that the child gets the right rearing and parenting that like any other innocent child she deserves as her right.
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Do you believe situation is serious enough that father should try to get full custody until mother can improve?
Yes the situation is serious enough for the father to at least deliberate on this matter and think of various options that he has, to make improvement in the situation that the child finds herself in and if this finally comes to the point to take full custody of the child until mother is willing to take more responsibility than she has been displaying now then he should go for it unapologetically as it is all to be done for providing the child a stress and abuse free life.
I appreciate your advice. Do you physically practice in the USA? I need advice that could be considered in a legal matter in the USA. Thank you
Sorry but I do not practice in USA.
It will be better that you talk about all this with the lawyer first l so that he can provide you information about the prerequisites required from a medical expert to make the case stronger and then shall you search for the right expert suitable for your purpose.