I'm still feeling about the same if not worse.
My roommate doesn't really talk to her ex any more. For a while she had about 6 guys (including the ex) to choose from. Then she narrowed it down to one. Of course it's the one she wasn't interested in when they met and she tried to pawn him off on me because he is more my type, but like I told her, it doesn't work that way. He's interested in her and it's not like we're twins and it'd be easy for him to transfer that interest to me. After she broke up with the ex she was abstaining from sex to get to know the guys before adding sex, but now with this guy she thinks it's time.
Yay for her but I'm in the same exact position I've been in the last 7 years. On Sunday he came over to watch tv with us and I couldn't help but think its the same as it's always been. She's cuddled on the couch with someone and I'm still wondering what it feels like to cuddle. Its making me absolutely miserable. I feel like my life is over. I'm so far behind in social experience that I'm never going to feel "right" in my own skin. I'm stuck again.
As far as doing things out of my comfort zone, I took a bartending class and a Japanese class. I wanted to meet people with similar interests which is why the Japanese class, but the amount of people in the class was small and I didn't make any friends. Same basic idea for the bartending class. There was a woman in that class that barely spoke English so we helped each other with things but other than that, I didn't really talk to anyone.
I am looking into "themed" bars. I live near the Jersey shore so there are a lot of options it's just weeding out things I hate, like just sitting there watching drunk people. My roommate's new bf has taken her to a bar that has skeeball tournaments. That sounds like fun and something I would do. I'm just looking for similar type bars that are closer. Ideally, if a Dave & Buster's opened nearby I'd be there every weekend because that's my kind of fun.
I'm also looking into one day classes at the local community colleges since I'm located close to 2 of them.
I feel like I'm spending so much time alone that all its doing is giving me time to think of how lonely I feel. My roommate sometimes stays home to watch movies with me, but often she cancels to hang out at the bar with the new guy or her cousin. Tomorrow she's going out with her friends from work and I told her if they go somewhere local I'll go because at least it will be easy for me to get home when I get bored, because I always get bored. They just go to the bar and drink all day/night. I can't do that, mostly because it's ridiculously boring.
I spend a lot of time feeling hopeless/helpless. Also, I still see my therapist, and I see the psych once a month for med visits, but I feel like I don't know what to say to the psych because she puts so much focus on my weight it actually makes me feel worse. I tell her as far as work I'm feeling better but I'm still lonely and want to date. Her answer? Why did you wait so long to start working on your weight then? Not what I need to hear especially since through talking with my therapist I see that food is how I've comforted myself ever since I was about 10. If I take away that then I have nothing to help get through things.
Also last night my dog woke me up in the middle of the night and I just happened to turn on the tv when a show on Logo was coming on called "Bad Sex" and the episode was about a 37 yr old named Stella who was overweight, African American, and still a virgin. I felt like I was meant to watch that episode. But it still didn't make me feel better because she had no trouble dating and had actually had a few relationships, but she had a fear of penetration that holds her back. I have no such fear. I just can't get a date. But it was good to see someone my age having a similar struggle.
As far as food and the psych though, its to the point that I have a reminder on my phone that "food is for people who get dates" because apparently if I'm so big no one wants me than I don't need to be eating. And even as I say that I know it's not right. It's making me hate myself and I've never been like that before. I feel like I'm never going to be good enough, or fit enough, or anything so I might as well stop trying and either lay down and die or lay down with ANYONE... which is sad b/c I think I would have done that by now if I could ever get a second date. But ask me the same thing 3 years ago and I probably would have told you that no one has seen how great I am yet but that someone will. I really don't feel that any more. I feel like everything I've been hoping and living for is gone and there's no getting it back.