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RealSupport, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3191
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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having trouble coping

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i just dont know where to start to heal myself.


 


im a 31 yo female that isn't able to normally work or have social outings due to past trauma.(if im wording this right) i grew up in a household that my father would abuse my mom, but my mom stayed with my father willingly. cheating, threatening her life infront of us kids, physical abuse. even after they split up he kept the abuse going, but different on us kids. i wasn't allowed to play with other kids at home, except the one's he befriended their parents. i was molested and raped by a few men, in different times. most of my life i had to be near ppl who were always fighting, always trouble. if i tried to help or correct them, basically i "had to know my role in the family". now that im an adult, i cant cope with alot of things. my emotions would be too full, or id break down. my bodily health declined so im always sick now. ive been told i have a pattern, where i create drama from something small, get my "need" to have it, pass my angst to someone else, or make them feel guilty, then return to "normal"... then the pattern starts again. with the many things ive seen and done in my life, i dont feel normal. its insane on what i had to do. i could never relax, there was always something, someone being abused, being forced to take the blame for things i dont know how i could be blame from family and close friends. this is to the point where i married someone far away from home, to be away from my family... but the insanity in me is still there. i tried to live a normal life, got a job and a house... but i couldnt keep it together, to the point where i hid in my work place's freezer for mins at a time to calm down. i panic or over react to small things, or maybe things that isnt there. i feel like i cant get better, i feel like i cant live, and i feel trapped in this insanity that i created, . please help me.


Rafael M.T.Therapist : Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I am very sorry to know about how painful your life ha been from childhood. It seems very overwhelming because of the serious and chronic abuse and neglect you were exposed to, from parents and family and having no one to protect you neither to take good care of you. You are without doubt a survivor from domestic violence, neglect, physical,mental, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse, it is truly overwhelming, it's a lot, then it makes sense why you feel the way you do. You are a young adult but it seems the only help you have got is through psychiatric drugs and no consistent, adequate and effective psychotherapy, which is the only effective way for people victims of chronic multiple traumas - abuse and neglect to work on their rehabilitation process. No drug has the power to heal depression, anxiety, trauma, nor any other mental disorder or life issue, they could mostly reduce the awareness of some symptoms, create some numbness that could some times create some relief, while presenting several well - known and many unknown physical and mental health issues, from mental; health problems to severe damage to different organs and to the very nervous system.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : You have been perpetuating the same defense mechanisms and limited ways of coping you were forced to develop in your past, since you did not have other chance, you needed to survive and had to do what you were told, or the abuse and neglect would have got much worse. Those experiences forced by those responsible of raising you, shaped your mind, personality, heart and the way you think, feel and cope with life issues, and relate with others, that's why moving far way from them did not resolve the problems. Then after several years and miles away from them, their abuse and neglect you have continued to suffer this nightmare, because the impact it left in your mind, heart and body has remained there unchanged, and that's why you need to commit to your rehabilitation process with effective psychotherapeutic support, including individual, group and family counseling / psychotherapy, because of the severity of these problems. You need to literally relearn how to think and feel about yourself, how to behold other people, how to cope and share in healthy ways, eradicating the distortions created by past abuse and neglect. This is not easy work at all, it is tough, but essential, viable and absolutely worthy.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : Does it make sense?
Customer:

thank you!! i really did need to know if i was right to search for help, but my behavior kept a certain pattern... alot of the time i didn't know i was doing it. thank you very much, i just needed validation that i deserve help. im going to try to find a support group near where i am, and a someone professional with these types of problems.

Customer:

thank you again!!

Rafael M.T.Therapist : You're very welcome.
Rafael M.T.Therapist : I am very glad to know this was helpful and that you will look for necessary support to work on yourself, in order to build the life, peace and fulfillment you need and deserve. Thank you for your trust.
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