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Dear Dr Keane, To answer your question about goals and in-terms of if I were confident in every situation as you had said…..My goals would be to not ever over eat and to lose the weight that I put on over the winter and it's more than what I do normally, or at least I certainly feel it much more anyway.....To go out with friends or alone without thinking twice about it. There are many times when I do just go out and do things and go along with plans be it alone or with friends and other times just don’t…..I would work full-time, not that there are many positions like that, but have just applied for one, but don't want to worry about a past bad experience, a nice full time job would be good, one that I can at least in time maybe feel comfortable over time with, and with my skill set. With confidence in every situation a goal might be to continue to advance in life in all areas but in a nice way, still hopefully being polite and generally a nice person…..I'd like to move out as soon as I was in a stable financial position. If I felt confident in every situation perhaps I'd trust so much more, trust people, which I feel I am better at but perhaps I still need to trust myself much more such as when I do self-talk sometimes I can be unsure whether I am right in what I tell myself, so sometimes have to convince myself that I am, this can be about anything……I would then maybe look more to see if there are any decent guys out there who are also single..... A goal is maybe to lose the lack of self-worth so I would see that I was worthy and that also people I came in contact with did also really and truly see me worthy of their time, friendship etc. Hopefully either today or if we don't today then tomorrow we can chat maybe? Well I hope we manage to chat about anyway as your questions about goals is quite big. When I was writing this to you I was thinking that talking about goals to you is comfortable and feels a fine subject to discuss, it isn't comfortable to discuss with everyone, it depends on the person asking.
Hi, you have been busy thinking about your goals, good for you. They all seem very reasonable and attainable. We can try and chat on Tuesday. I'll check in during the day when I am free.
sorry, just seemed to have missed you. I am however free on Tuesday, I am especially free from 4pm my time onwards as I should be done with work by then and should get lots of computer time.
Ok, I will try and get back when you are online.
sorry, took awhile to get connected.
just back online now.
I have finished work now, so got some computer time.
Sorry I missed you earlier, got finished work a little earlier than normal too, but then walked into the house to my mum giving me a list of things to do for her.
Hope we manage to chat.
Right, that is me for the rest of the evening, house almost to myself so shouldn't be disturbed, so can wait and hope you have chance to be online again.
It's really late now and it was the funeral day and I feel I really ought to at least try to sleep. I hope we do manage to chat soon. I feel that the answers to your question would be best talked about, hope you do too. I am sorry to have missed you earlier. I am working a lot on Wednesday but will try to be online at 4pm my time but then need to go out just before 6pm my time but then should be back around 8pm, otherwise there's always Thursday or Friday. Hopefully we will at somepoint manage to catch each other. Hope your week is going well.
oops, should say that the funeral has now happened and I really ought to try and now get some sleep as it is late and I am tired.
I am here
Thank you and sorry to have missed you yesterday
time differences and schedules do present some challenges to being online at the same time!
they do indeed, used to that though, got friends in all different countries.
You had the funeral yesterday and sounded as though you did well and got through it.
I got through it. Cried afterwards of course but managed not to through it. It was a funerals go quite a good one. My friend who died would most certainly have approved.
Still a bit upset but I know that is normal. Just doing all the things that need to be done now like work but have delegated some.
Crying is okay, it was a funeral and a person you were friends with, that is the reason we go through these funeral rituals, to help us.
it was a nice sunny day and I know she would have liked that too. She was a bright person.
Time as you know will help and you have a lot of distractions
yes I certainly have lots of distractions.
Your list of goals was pretty long and ambitious, good for you.
How do you prioritize them?
It did take me awhile to think about it. I sort of do have a "bucket list".
Yes, but a bucket list would have "fun" goals, like doing something that is totally unlike your personality. Losing weight and never over eating sounds stressful!
I often think that it would be good to have a really secure likable job, then move out, somewhere in-between the job and moving out or after I move out then I may look to see if there are any decent men out there.
I feel I need to lose a bit, not a lot but have put on some over the winter and just much more than what I normally would. I'm just not very good at it.
Somewhere in-between all that, well I always try to be as nice a person as I possibly can. I have values and hopefully they are good ones that I try to stick by.
It would be nice to have a really secure job and have your own place where you can do what you want, come and go without explanation etc. So maybe finding a full time position should be up there on top of the list.
yes that is a good point.
Just for fun on my bucket list are also a few places in the world I haven't ever been to before but would like to, so I have had some fun with my list.
Values are important, and being nice is great but not so when people take advantage of your niceness, you have to know when and where to draw the line.
The world is pretty big so I bet there are places you'd like to visit, that's a good "bucket list" item
yes I thought so too :)
As nice as it would be to have all your "ducks" lined up, that is, stable job, high confidence, before you jump into change sometimes it is better to just jump and take the risk, you may find that necessity will make you succeed faster, especially in the job arena.
I think I still need to work on trusting my instincts a bit more as well as my self-talk. I sometimes wonder whether it is right such as in sometimes I double back on those thoughts and wonder if it's just that I have thought of something just to reassure myself and that's always just anxiety provoking.
Not sure how else to word that.
That is where the risk comes in, you make a decision, trust your instincts and jump. Your self talk is good, you know how to employ it and when. If it's right great, if it's wrong, then you change direction.
Anxiety is part of life, it's the level of anxiety and the fear maybe that you will become too anxious that holds you back.
Yes, I don't quite think I have all my "ducks" lined up. Used to have plans like what I've told you and well, still do but sometimes don't think about them because they've not come to fruition yet. I suppose a lot of it is to do with risk as well and I've been holding back a bit.
Easy for me to say take a leap, but we all have to at some time or another. Just some food for thought, just don't over think it, try for a happy medium.
Holding back for what? more food for thought!
I am also however trying to take more risks and have been applying for some jobs recently
good, I am just planting seeds of change.....:)
and I am always grateful that you do :)
I have to get to work so think about one or two of these thoughts and see what your instincts tell you.
I will do and I will get back to you on those when I can.
hope you have a good day and thank you so much :)
Okay.....have a good day