Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am truly sorry to know about the chronic and serious abuse at multiple levels you have suffered from childhood.
The story you shared is very sad and serious, since it shows how your brother has been deeply disturbed in his personality, behaviors, mood and relationship from early in life, and without doubt, the severe spoiling, lack f adequate parenting, discipline and boundaries, the overwhelming codependency literally shaping and empowering all these distortions by your parents, have led to the person he has been all his life.
I am glad to know you have a good and supportive husband and that have learned to distance yourself from him. Current situation is far away from perfect because of how abuse has been perpetuated and still enabled by your mother. Reality is that as long as he has close people in his life fueling his destructive and abusive ways, his serious mental and behavioral disorders and addictions, it would be hopeless, and time would only deepen what has been already present for so long.
Thus the best you could do is to focus on taking good care of yourself, your family and what depends on you. You would need to start preparing yourself to gather "evidence", you could use to better protect yourselves and hopefully stop him in some of his abusive behaviors.
Do I now have to give up my mom, because of his controlling, voilent and abusiveness? I am hurt and feel abandoned by my mother. I have recently had to go on zoloft. what do you think is wrong with him, personality disorder?
Nowadays technology allows anybody to easily get proof of any form of abuse. From a portable audio recorder to a mini camera, you could get all the evidence anybody in your shoes would need to support your words and reports to police. If he calls you by phone, you could request police to intervene your line to record messages, or you could even consider getting a simple little device giving you that functionality. My point here is that there are multiple viable and simple ways to protect your self and effectively cope while gathering evidence to proof any form of further abuse he may present.
Based on your description I'd say that he may suffer for several mental health disorders, personality problems plus addiction-s, all of them deeply distorting from thinking to mood, coping , relationships , functioning and everything else in his life. I have to say that the worst source fueling all his destructive ways , as sad as it sounds, are your mother and his wife, and without significant improvements in them it would be hopeless to expect any good change in him.
It's very painful but it seems obvious the severe neglect from your parents started in your early childhood, and it has not changed, and I doubt it would change once she has been deepening such approach most of your life.
It's very painful to acknowledge that, but necessary for you to take better care of yourself.
I was told by him he would kill me if we went near her, but again the police says prove it. I am lost and again controlled by this evil man.
That's why I suggested you to seriously consider using technology in order to get evidence of all these seriously abusive behaviors.
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX do that.
That way no matter what he recognizes or denies, or how much police believes you or not, evidence would be there and nobody would be able to deny reality.
You're very welcome. Please look for psychotherapy for you to get the professional support you need and deserve, since all these are very challenging and painful life issues, and anybody in your shoes would be overwhelmed by them. Thus counseling - psychotherapy would significantly help you better coping and taking care of yourself and who-what depends on you.