Rafael M.T.Therapist says:5/5/13 6:04 PM
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
5/5/13 6:04 PM
I am sorry to know about how overwhelmed you feel.
5/5/13 6:07 PM
From your words it seems obvious to me you have been depressed and hopeless for quite a while, not knowing how to cope with painful feelings. Only you know from where these pain comes from but it's obvious you have been holding it in long enough, for it to overwhelm you, pushing you to act them out through your mood, from your irritability to how joyless life has become for you.
5/5/13 6:11 PM
When people feel this lost and lonely, numbing seems the only scape, the only way to get some instant relief, sense of control and some happiness, even fake versions of them but something to allow you not to feel that down any more; and it is then when drugs or any behavior could become very appealing options to create this illusion of relief you long for. But as you know, once the effects go away, you find yourself more alone, afraid and even paranoid. It's like a tramp, and it gets harder and harder.
5/5/13 6:17 PM
Please, feel proud of yourself for finally reaching out for support, support you need and deserve,. People do not get this mad and low out of nothing, it's always about real pain you experience, many times related to abuse and neglect, betrayal or abandonment, and when we suffer like that, we just try to do whatever in our power to survive and move on, but if without necessary support, skills or tools, things just get distorted and we end harming ourselves too. I invite you to look for psychotherapy or counseling support, since what pushes you is about your life experiences and how they have been impacting you this much, it is there where you need to work on, and that's why professional psychological support is very important for you to vent, process your pain, heal and get stronger and wiser, getting your power back and rebuilding your life the way you expect and deserve.
5/5/13 6:19 PM
This is not an easy journey, but it is necessary, viable and absolutely worthy. Stick to those people close to you, who happen to be truly healthy and caring to support you too. Does it make sense?