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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Customer Question

I recenlty learned that my fiance is bisexual. We spent a nice day with friends at the pool and suddenly he says he needed to go home to work. I could tell something was off and then the next day I found several emails of him seeking sex with men. His words were vulgar and nothing I have ever heard before of what he wanted these men to do to him sexually. I am sickened by it. He says this was something from his childhood and that it only triggers when he is depressed. We have been dating for over four years now and he says he has cheated half a dozen times.He says that he is not gay and he is 90% interested in woman. He has no desire to be with a man, but has triggers and then claims that he feels bed about himself afterward. What do I believe? How do I handle this?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You must be very shocked and disturbed by these events.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is not the person that you thought he was.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He has not been truthful to you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He has not been faithful to you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He has put you at risk for sexually transmitted diseases.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is bisexual which means that he is heterosexual sometimes and bisexual at other times.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Can you live with him? Do you want to build a life with him?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Does he feel bad afterwards about being with a man or about cheating or both?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He is 90% interested in women, he says. What does that really mean?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you want to continue this relationship and make it work?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I know that you are having difficulty talking about this, but it will help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

How are you feeling at this very moment?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If he has deceived you for four years and withheld this information until you made the effort to investigate his secret life, then how can you ever trust him?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do the "whys" really matter? Are there any answers that will make this OK for you and allow you to have a happy life together with him? If the answer is no, then you can get closure by leaving the relationship. If the answer is yes, then the two of you should make an appointment with a certified sex therapist and have therapy sessions together.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can find one at:

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

AASECT - Member Directory

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

They are mental health professionals with additional training and national certification.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I know that you are too upset to talk now, so I shall leave this chat open and you can get back to me if you wish to talk further with me.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand how shocked and sad you are and my heart goes out to you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you wish to talk later, just pick up the chat and when I am free I will be happy to talk to you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you are satisfied, please give me a positive rating. If not, just get back to me and I shall try to help you any way that I can.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

JACUSTOMER-2i3qqaro- :

I don't feel that you answered a single one of my concerns. You basically reiterated what I already wrote and then refer me to a mental health professional. I can do that myself... I do not approve of this reply and thus does not warrant any fees to be charged.

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