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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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my sister is very abuusive and says disgusting things about

Customer Question

my sister is very abuusive and says disgusting things about family even my sister who recently passed. then she seems to forget the whole thing, she has just been to my mothers nursing home and abused her there, she is 65 and Mum is 85
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand how trying this is for you, your mum, and the rest of your family.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Has your sister ever been diagnosed with any mental disorders, including schizophrenia?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In the active stages of schizophrenia, those affected may ramble with illogical statements or they may respond with uncontrolled anger or violence to a perceived threat.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

They may also experience relatively passive periods of the illness where they seem to lack personality, movement, and emotion.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Have you noticed these or any other symptoms?

Customer:

she has major depression, her son had schizophrenia, which happened after drug use as a teenager , we recently tried to get help for her but she was told and just laughed and abused us about it

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

As long as she is not a threat to herself or anyone else then there is nothing that can be done.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

As your mother's caregiver you may be able to excuse her from visitation if she is upsetting your mother.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Is she a threat to herself or anyone else as far as you know? If she is she can be held for observation and possible treatment, but this is probably difficult to do unless she is extreme or verbalises a suicidal or homocidal threat, or threat of injury to others.

Customer:

everything is very much about her, get up and feed me, I have depression, when we lost my other sister who was closest to me she said she had lost her baby sister and it seemed to be more important to her than it was about my nephews losing there Mother or our Mum losing a daughter. every time she visits anyone she causes havoc and is vrey demanding , then leaves as if nothing happened , she also pries into all our business on the computer, like house prices etc ?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you do not have the authority to exclude her from visitation then her physician most likely does, since her visits are counter-therapeutic to your mother's health.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If she does not accept your help, which I know you wish to extend, then all you can do is to exclude her from any activities in which he can wreak havoc.

Customer:

she has a thing about food and it doesn't matter how sick anyone else is she wants you to feed her. sh says she is old and can't walk up stairs etc, Mum is 85 and still tries, My sister as had outbursts at mum where she uses really offensive language

Customer:

when she visited Mum after the outburst she said to Mum " did something happen yesterday I seem to think it did but can't remember what ?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your sister does not have empathy for others and this may be part of her disorder.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is a known characteristic associated with schizophrenia. Does she ever have hallucinations or delusions?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Memory lapses are also common in schizophrenia.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It seems to run in families and she perhaps passed it on to her son.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What do your other family members want to do to help her and protect your mother from her? Have you discussed this?

Customer:

yes she does, she thinks because a boyfriend of mine who had omly been in my life a short time went to my sisters funeral that was the reason she couldnt go.she even put abusive text on facebook saying I had let my mother down, all our extended family read it, my son answered and told her she was being unfair I have decided to block the phone, my sister lives in another state but was visiting, she just kept telling her how much it costs her. she was only here 3 days... my Mum has cancer, congestive heart failure and severe asthma, I am scared these outburst could do a great deal of harm, do you think i would make things worse if i block contact? I thought if Mum rang her once in awhile she can hang up when it gets to bad an my sister won't be able to ring back

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That sounds like a wonderful solution and is something that you should discuss directly with your Mum. I am so sorry for her dire condition and know that you want to protect her as best you can.

Customer:

she also takes huge lots of medication like Zoloft, gabba pentin, capadex.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Who takes the medication?

Customer:

my sister....sorry I am getting mixed up ....thank you , it is just so terrible as we just lost the first of the four sisters and I feel like I am losing another to this problem

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The Zoloft is for depression, the gabapentin for seizures, and the Capadex for acid reflux and other GI problems. She probably needs to take an antipsychotic medication.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Of course you cannot have a dialogue with her physician but you might send him or her a note describing her behaviour and that would give the physician a great deal of insight in taking a better look at your sister and treating her appropriately.

Customer:

does she ? I just wish there was a way to get her that medication, she recently changed doctors then went right back as they wanted to change her tablets

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can't have the dialogue because of privacy laws but you can inform him.

Customer:

can she control these things when she sees her doctor.. I can't believe that they cant see what she is doing... I do know she has been abusive to her GP... yes OK maybe we can do something like that .. the way things are it can't be much worse anyway ..

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

She has her good days and her bad ones. Perhaps she avoids the doctor on her bad ones, but she cannot hide all of the time. She cannot have too much control over this, but she does have some will power.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Contacting the doctor can only help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are permitted to say whatever you want. He just cannot reply.

Customer:

yes true... I will talk to Mum and my other sister and see what we can do.. she did take Mum to meet her GP a few years ago. when we tried to give her psychiatrist an insight about her behaviour, she told my sister what she said on the next visit , she then rang and abused my other sister and laughed saying you wren't smart enough that time..

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I suggest that you sit down and write a well thought-out letter to the doctor and send it, asking him to be alert for these symptoms and to diagnose and treat her as best as he can.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The psychiatrist should have not told her. It puts her integrity and intelligence in question. You must be smarter this time, and if it is the same doctor, confront her about this, in a gentle way.

Customer:

Yes that sounds good. its about all we can do .......... I just thank God she doesn't live to close to my Mum ...thank you Elliott, I have been trying so hard to find an answer, as have my sister and Mum. Someone suggested Bi Polar but i was wondering about the connection between her sons condition and hers. I think you may be right . we will do as you suggest. I appreciate your help so much .

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are very welcome. I shall keep your Mum and all of your family in my prayers, and wish you great success in getting some help for your suffering sister.

Customer:

I will leave feedback now and go ... thanks again ...

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
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