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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Is covert aggression considered domestic violence? If so,

Resolved Question:

Is covert aggression considered domestic violence? If so, how does that stand up in the courts? How do you prove or explain covert aggression?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am so sorry that you are living under this veil of threats and are in fear of this man.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you want to have your own life, separate from his (and it appears that you do, and it appears that it would be in your best interests), then you certainly don't need his permission.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He enjoys controlling you and uses fear or "violent repercussions (which does NOT sound as it is is "covert aggression").

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You do not have to prove anything in court to get a divorce as "not-fault" divorces are permitted in all 50 states.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

However, for property settlements it might help to have evidence that he made threatening gestures or statements to you. For this you can get some undetectable recording devices to record these events and use them as evidence in court.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you are scared of him hurting you then get an order of protection.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Until you stand up to him you will be his virtual slave and under his domination.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I know it is scary to make the move to break away.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Plan things out carefully.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Go to visit an attorney and let the attorney help you. It is amazing how many people will rally to your aid.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He may be a narcissist and control lots of people with his fake charm and lies, but you know who he is and you need to get away from him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Remember, separation is YOUR decision and YOUR desire. He prefers to keep you, not for love, but to control you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Start planning today and work on breaking free. I wish you great success and pray that God gives you the courage and strength to break free.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

What I fear is not being heard. What I HAVE heard is that even women who get pummeled by their spouses have a hard time being heard and supported and when they flee they get in trouble for taking their children out of harms way and the offender ends up being favored. Especially the covert part of it seems to difficult to overcome. Maybe I just need to ask better questions to the DV counselors? I don't know what to ask and they seem so use to dealing with violent offenders I'm afraid I won't be taken seriously. I know I'm horrible at articulating this situation as the stress stymies my brain and I've been dealing with it for so long that I'm used to it and it almost feels normal and that I shouldn't be 'complaining'.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear friend,

If you are getting pummeled, then you have to report this to the police and get a permanent record of this. If you are only getting it done in terms of emotional abuse you need to get recorded proof or a witness if possible.

Emotional abuse is every bit as harmful in physical abuse in terms of the emotional damage it does to you - AND to your children (which you did not mention previously and which makes it even more essential that you get your family out of harms way of this abusive man).

You have articulated the situation to me, and I certainly DO take you seriously. I am sure those who are in a better position to help you can be made to understand. Perhaps they are "used" to hearing about abusers. I never get used to it and I do not like to know that such people are permitted to continue to hurt others.

You have succeeded in making it gut-wrenchingly clear to me that you are being abuse and that your children are at risk of emotional trauma. Don't lose courage and don't give up. Let them hear you. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and your continued persistance will get their attention. Some of them may have become jaded but they are still being paid to protect the public and you must hold their feet to the fire.

I wish you great success and courage and shall continue to keep you in my prayers.

Warm regards,

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you Elliot!

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
You are so very welcome. May God bless you and your children.

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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