Hello my name is Dr. Toni and I would like to help you with you question.
I am sorry that you and your family have gone through some difficult times. It is clear that there is a lot of love between you and your boys. I wonder if Ted feels excluded from this and copes in this way by trying to have some control in the house. Have you all tried family counseling? It can be very helpful to explore your issues and help you all make changes. It will be important for you to show your boys that you can protect them and that you have power in the house. As it stands Ted bullies them and you. You tell them they can use the skateboard and then ultimately he makes the decision that overrides your own. Can you sit down as a family and come up with some ground rules and define everyone's role in the family?
As women we often struggle to please our significant other, children, parents, etc. But we need to set limits with people and let them know that we need to be respected. Without having a dialogue, nothing will change. And if you want Ted to change, you need to make changes in the way you deal with issues. The children's behavior will be disturbing as they are acting out to their feelings of being bullied. They must feel safe and supported, and right now that is not the case. You have been struggling for years to please everyone, but is that really possible? Please find your inner strength and use your children's love as your motivation.
I hope that this helps you and your children. Please let me know if I can provide additional help. If you are satisfied with my answer, please consider giving me a rating of 3 or higher.
Dr. Toni, PhD
I am very sorry that you were dissatisfied with my professional advice. As I said earlier, please let me know if I can provide additional help.