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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 395
Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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Update. daughter pregnant again, one month..

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Update. daughter pregnant again, one month.. She, husband and baby are going up for his sisters wedding shower to the mother in laws hometown. My daughter is upset because the mother in law is casing a scene because my daughter won't stay with the mother in law. She called her up and wanted to know why( daughter doesn't want stress being pregnant) daughter says because of her actions and words.The MIL replies that she knows but it doesn't look right and my daughter replies.. in front of who? The MIL own daughter and fiance won't stay or the soon to be fiance's parents won't stay with the MIL. This is about my daughter because of the grandbaby that my daughter doesn't want MIL to be alone with and my daughter doesn't won't to be in her house any length of time. She is just coming up for the Mils daughters wedding shower. The other set of people aren't in trouble for not staying with MIL. The MIL is crying on the phone saying that her daughter will be far away when she gets married and those parents don't want to be around her either. Now my daughter is stressed because the father in law is now asking his son( my daughter's husband) why my daughter doesn't want to be around them. My daughter has no problem with him but he is in denial and never pays attention to what's going on. We have gone up to MIL's town and daughter and baby with us and didn't call her for 2 days and then saw her. It's because we had personal things to do. Now my daughter doesn't want to see them for the up coming shower for MIL daughter because my daughter thinks she has bad mounhed her to family and friends. Daughter is stressed and not good for the baby.Sorry so long but you need to read the previous story to get what I am talking about.

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 2 years ago.

Hello there, I am sorry to hear about about this very stressfull situation. I can see why you would be worried about your daughter's health. I think your daughter should not worry about what the MIL told everyone. The people who know her probably can tell that they MIL is full of drama. I think she can be calm and really really friendly to everyone just be herself. She does not have to tell people much, her husband can say oh we have other plans we are not staying at my mother's house. She can ask her husband to take the lead and help her out with his mom. He can call her and talk to his mom and say that the doctor does not want her to have stress, and althought she likes the MIL still staying there can be stressful. I think the MIL will eventually realize that she has not been nice to your daughter or her own daughter. She can say something like she did not want to trouble the mother in law by staying in the house for very long because having visitors for an extended time can be stressful.

I am sorry your daughter is stressing. It is hard for you because you worry about it. She should relax and not let the mother in law stress her and manipulate her. I am sure she will be ok after a few days. I really think that you daughter needs to really talk to her husband and he needs to protect his wife from his mother. Maybe the son can tell his mom to back off. I know is hard for him to see that but your daughter needs his support around this. I understand that he is not seeing how his mom is stressing out his wife but he does need to see that and be supportive. You can tell your daughter that you know she is doing the right thing and you support her no matter what.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

How does my daughter who doesn't care to be around Mil deal with this long term? She doesn't want MIL alone with the baby either. She believes that she is not stable.

Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 2 years ago.

That is a very difficult place for your daughter to be. She can say that she does not leave the baby with anyone at this point. I think after your daughter has her next baby she can tell her MIL that she does not think that she is stable right now. I know is hard but I think the MIL knows this. Is the MIL mentally ill? What a difficult place for your daughter to be. Maybe she can say or baby not used to be without me, baby gets very angry cries I don't feel right to leave baby with anyone right now. She can say that the baby is in the age that baby stresses so much when mom is out of site... What do you think? What makes your daughter think that her mother in law is not stable? I can see that she is a very intense person any other behaviors? How does her husband respond to this?

Customer: replied 2 years ago.

My daughter catches her in lies, she tries to manipulate my daughter and others, she tries to make my daughter look bad,she is controlling, she gets really loud in groups, she pulls at the baby if someone has the baby and she wants to hold it, she gets in peoples face when talking, she repeats herself over and over, she says uh huh under her breath over and over as if she is talking to someone, she gossips and doesn't care who cares, she seems to always be looking for a fight. I call that unstable and scary. We have been told for a friend of hers that she is a social path( their opinion

Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 2 years ago.
Yes this is really scary I agree that your daughter needs to protect her baby. Her husband also needs to come to his wife's side and protect her from his mother. Your daughter is doing the right thing. She does not have to explain things to her mother in law. She can say " I am sorry you are upset but we will stay in the hotel this is better for us, is less stress. I think she can be honest about being more comfortable in the hotel less people aroun, if she wants to and stay in her ground. Be polite but stay firm. She can take deep breaths and she knows this for the best. She is getting your daughter involved in her drama. Your daughter needs to stay polite and distant. I think she really needs the support of her husband. My feeling is that her husband does not stand up to his mom also that puts your daughter in the middle.
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 395
Experience: I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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