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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1303
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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the kids dad and i have been separated for 11 years and now

Customer Question

the kids dad and i have been separated for 11 years and now that my daughter is 19 and has a child of her own he wants to come visit. he hasnt acknowledged us for all this time and now he wants to just walk back into our lives. Ive been crying all afternoon just fuming mad, and trying to figure out how im going to deal with this without ripping his face off. please, i know u know the best way, hes geting some kind of settlement and he wants to play santa clause. and ive worked hard, i built this house, i bought us a car, i got 2 years towards my bachelors degree, and just now...6 weeks ago i just got laid off. so i feel like im vulnerable, i havent gotten any money for almost 6 weeks,im not too sure where im going with this bit i feel like u bastard!! u come here now while im lyin on the ground and try to make yourself look like some sort of savior in the eyes of your children while i was the one who was there for them all these years!! BY MYSELF!! i dont know how to handle this gracefully. please help.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 1 year ago.

pennyrayasMFT :

Hello there how are you?

pennyrayasMFT :

I am sorry about your ex making an appearence after 11 years

pennyrayasMFT :

You have the right to be upset

pennyrayasMFT :

You seam like a strong woman who has taken care of you daughter and yourself all those years

pennyrayasMFT :

When he comes over to visit remember that you are strong

pennyrayasMFT :

and you have survived worked and went to school without any help

pennyrayasMFT :

He can never replace the 11 years that he lost out of your daughter's life

pennyrayasMFT :

You were there for her and yourself

pennyrayasMFT :

You will be able to work and earn money again

pennyrayasMFT :

Call a friend tell her your feeling cry and scream before he visits

pennyrayasMFT :

then take a deep breath and show him how strong you are

pennyrayasMFT :

He will not be a hero in your daughter's eyes

pennyrayasMFT :

he has no relationship with her.

pennyrayasMFT :

It is hard to try so hard and work so hard and feel vonurable to life's trails

pennyrayasMFT :

This is something you will overcome because you overcome his abandonmnet and you did it all on your own

pennyrayasMFT :

you are strong even when life get hard

pennyrayasMFT :

I am sure your daughter is proud of you

pennyrayasMFT :

and you should feel proud of yourself

pennyrayasMFT :

exes have a way of openning old insecurities but you are not the person he left

pennyrayasMFT :

You will be able to handle this and show him you are a strong woman who deserves so much more

pennyrayasMFT :

I am speaking from experience I was in your place about 10 years ago

pennyrayasMFT :

It does get better.

pennyrayasMFT :

I think you are very gracefull for letting him back into your children's life

Customer :

IF I HAD A FRIEND BELIEVE ME I WOULDNT BE PAYING FOR THIS CRAP. U TOLD ME TO HAVE A GOOD CRY AND TALK TO SOMEONE ELSE!!

Customer :

if i had a friend believe me i wouldnt be paying for this crap! you told me to have a good cry and talk to someone else!! i want my money back!! were done!!

pennyrayasMFT :

I am sorry you did not like my comments.

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