How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Penny Rayas, MFT Your Own Question
Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 395
Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Penny Rayas, MFT is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. Im 25 and

This answer was rated:

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. I'm 25 and he's 26, although I'm ready for marriage and a child, why do I wish in a sense to be single and possibly finding love somewhere else?
Hello there, and thanks for asking JA. I wonder if part of you knows that your boyfriend is not right for you. I would like to say make a list of things you would like your future husband to have and how you see your married life. What is it the relationship is missing? Do you need to improve your relationship with him before you think about getting married and having children? Can you accept him the way he is? Do you think he would be a loving father? Do you have the same goals? How is the communication in your relationship? I think you have to trust your own intuition that is telling you that part of you is not ready to commit to your boyfriend. Maybe you can work on the relationship and if you get the relationship you want then you can think of marriage. Tell me a bit more about your fantacies about dating someone else. The fantacy tells you what you are missing in your relationship. What do you think the person would give you that you do not get from your boyfriend?
Penny Rayas, MFT and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I finally made a huge milestone in my life. I thought about everything you said and my unhappiness with this relationship stems from me. From about age 8-14 I was teased. Not just kid teasing, hurtful to the bone teasing. I am half-white and half-black and I was called hairy monkey, hairy gorilla, and ni**er. I am now 25 and see where my unhappiness not only with myself but relationship comes from, since about age 12 I have emotionally, mentally, and physically have removed myself literally from myself. Alex my boyfriend is in the same shoes as me. He was very good looking in high school and he would not have dated me back then. But, were both unhappy with ourselves so we fit, and if we are meant to be we will be together. But I feel finally after 25 years its time to take a stand against myself and change. I wont ever be happy or get the man I trully deserve until im happy with myself.

Kayleon, let me know how you are doing. I would love to help you if you have any questions
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I'm doing really good thank you. I took what you said to heart and really thought about my relationship on a deeper level and I deserve more than what I'm getting.I know relationships have their ups and downs but I have been dealing with the same issues for 4 years. I cant help someone who doesn't want to be helped and I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life.

I am so happy for you! You deserve the best and settling for less can make you unhappy. You are a very smart lady. Trust your intuition because when you find what you want you will know.

Good luck.

Related Mental Health Questions