How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
40019946
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How do I figure out how to overcome this mental sex block I

This answer was rated:

How do I figure out how to overcome this mental sex block I am having?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There are two possible reasons that you are not enjoying sex like you used to.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you have become depressed, then your enjoyment of sex, and probably other activities, will diminish greatly.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Secondly, you may have lost our interest in your sex partner and therefore your interest in the sex act has gone away. There is no need trying to act like you love it when you don't.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If it feels more like an obligation than something you love to do, then stop doing it and end your romance with this partner. Becoming just friends probably will not work. What you need is a partner that turns you on.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I wish you great success in finding your pleasure response again.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you are depressed then talk with a counselor. If it is just the relationship, then end it. Having a lover should be fun.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep you in my prayers.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott

Customer:

past year or so i have noticed a change in my energy levels and my enjoyment in a lot of things. Being depressed has crossed my mind because of the recent events that have gone on in the past year or so. But its one thing to think your depressed than actually being it. Its just very hard and stressful that my boyfriend does not realize that.

Customer:

everything seems to lead to the conversation of sex. or how im not like i used to be, and how he wished i would still do this and that. It only makes me even more upset and sad when he say these things.

Customer:


past year or so i have noticed a change in my energy levels and my enjoyment in a lot of things. Being depressed has crossed my mind because of the recent events that have gone on in the past year or so. But its one thing to think your depressed than actually being it. Its just very hard and stressful that my boyfriend does not realize that.







everything seems to lead to the conversation of sex. or how im not like i used to be, and how he wished i would still do this and that. It only makes me even more upset and sad when he say these things.



Customer:

May you please be a little more detailed. I think anyone could have told me the last answer at least, because i am very into my lover and everything about him.

Dear Vannessa,

Thank you for getting back to me and giving me the details of your condition.

Here are the "official" criteria for depression from the psychiatric handbook DSM-IV.




Major Depressive Episode

DSM IV Criteria


A) Five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure

Note: Do not include symptoms that are clearly due to a general medical condition, or mood-incongruent delusions or hallucinations

1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful). Note: In children and adolescents, can be irritable mood.
2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others)
3) significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day. Note: In children, consider failure to make expected weight gains.
4) insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day
5) psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down)
6) fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day
7) feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick)
8) diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others)
9) recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide

B) The symptoms do not meet criteria for a Mixed Episode

C) The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

D) The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., hypothyroidism)

E) The symptoms are not better accounted for by Bereavement, i.e., after the loss of a loved one, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation.





It seems to me that you are suffering from major depression and need to seek help in the form of psychotherapy, and very possibly, medications.

Your boyfriend must realize that you are suffering from a mood disorder and cannot expect you to perform as before, until you can address you depression.

If you had a broken leg he would hopefully not get upset because you did not go dancing with him.

If you DO request medications for your depression, you must realize and remember that most antidepressants cause weight gain, and, even more importantly, in your case, reduce sexual desire.

HOWEVER, the antidepressant known as Wellbutrin (bupropion) do NOT cause weight gain, and does NOT caused sexual problems.

All antidepressants take several weeks before they begin to work, so you must be patient.

If your doctor wants to give you another medication you do not have to accept it and can ask for Wellbutrin (bupropion).

Talk kindly to your partner and ask him for some patience and understanding. Of course sex is very important to him and to you as well. If he cares about you, he will understand and be patient with you.

You can see this through if you start getting the proper treatment now.

I wish you great success in restoring your enthusiasm in all aspects of your life and in overturning the very negative effects of depression.

Warm regards,

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC











Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

Related Mental Health Questions