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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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HI. I dont know what I did, but I think I scared this guy

Customer Question

HI. I don't know what I did, but I think I scared this guy away that I like. He dosen't text me as much, he says he likes me but I just don't feel it. I think I scared him away when I told him about my mental illness. I accidentally was so frusturated one day at something that I told him and then I took it out on him. I don't know what to do anymore :( He is not clear with me. I said I was sorry and I am trying to make it up by texting him every night, but it feels useless. What shud I tell him?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear Valeria,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Thank you for asking for me.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand how frustrating that it must be when you want to have a relationship with somebody but you seemed to have put the off of you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Texting him every night doesn't seem to be working.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Why don't you write him a longer letter and tell him that nobody is 100% sane all of the time, but you are still a functional person and have your good points. Tell him that you would like him to give you a chance to see that you are quite a lovely woman regardless if you do have some emotional problems.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Tell him that it won't hurt him to take a chance. You are human too and can be a very sweet, fun, and enjoyable girl.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If he has any sense he will take you up on it and give you the chance you deserve.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You know the old saying, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink."

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That applies here. You can give him the opportunity to get to know you better, but whether or not he takes it is up to him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Just be your sweetest self and you will have the best results.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I will keep your success with this matter in my prayers.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regard

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Ok. I am scared, I think I am getting better. Remember when I told you how in high school this girl would copy me at EVERYTHING like personality, clothes, style, words, hobbies, etc.?? Well no matter how I try I just CANNOT get the fear out of me that she is going to steal my identity. If she becomes me, I will no longer exist and everyone is going to like her. It was like if I got replaced.


I been searching and searching in google, "Why is it important to be yourself?" and I found interest things such as:


 


"Suppressing our true self makes us miserable"


"Inauthenticity denies our ability to experience higher spiritual states and experiences like bliss."


 


and so much more. These are just a few quotes I got from this website. But I can't get over it. No one undertands what I am really going through. It's just me stuck in this nightmare. I HATE her so much for what she did to me. It's such a struggle to live like this thinking she is stalking at me. I just feel like crying right now...I am tiered of this. Then I googled more and found this:


 


"When you pretend or act to be someone you start to develop that part of that person more and more"


 


I feel like I am in prison, I hate her! I hate her! I HATE HER!!!! :'(

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Valeria,

I loved your quotes. They are so valid.

Let me tell you something, however.

YOU ARE REAL. I talk to you. I have been talking to you. You are authentic. There is nobody like you and I could never mistake you for another person.

You must get this other, awful person out of your life right now. If she is suppressing her true self by pretending to be someone else (pretending to be you and whomever else she pretends to be), then she makes herself miserable. She CANNOT experience higher spiritual states nor can she feel any bliss.

You, however, CAN experience bliss and happiness because you are YOURSELF.

Hating someone else is like being in a prison. Stop hating her. Stop thinking about her. Nobody else can be you.

SHE IS NOT STALKING YOU.

SHE IS GONE AND WILL NOT BE BACK TO HAUNT YOU AGAIN.

I like YOU and not her. God knows who YOU are and can never be fooled. I shall say a prayer right now that will protect you for all times against anyone trying to take your identity.

"Dear God: Please protect my friend Valeria from all evildoers, from all imitators and all those who wish to hurt hurt. Please give her the strength and courage to understand that she is safe and cannot be hurt. Amen"

Warm regards

Elliott
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for the prayer, it means a lot.
It's not that I am forcing myself to think about her or like to think of her. I don't like it...I wish I could just forget about it. But I can't. If I am doing something, it just all the sudden triggers me. I am not trying to think of her, it just comes to me whenever I am doing stuff. Sometimes the memories, thoughts, flashbacks come into my head. I am so PARANOID. I keep reminding myself about the quotes I wrote to you. I think it's working, but I feel like I need more research more information on this I just don't know what other things to google, but I am trying to really help myself.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Valeria

You are doing so well. I am very proud of your efforts.

You can get this book on amazon either as a workbook mailed to you or on Kindle, downloaded onto your computer to help you stop these thoughts You NEED to do these exercises and this is the best way to manage these obsessive thoughts.


http://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Taking-Control-Moods/dp/1608822087/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1367533493&sr=8-1&keywords=thought+stopping

Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life by Matthew McKay PhD, XXXXXX XXXXX PhD and Patrick Fanning


I have answered two different questions for you. Please don't forget to give me positive feedback.

Thanks.

Elliott
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Valeria,

I answered two questions for you, both of them quite well. You have given me a bad rating for good work. I have answered questions for you before and you never rated me (I was never paid).

If you keep doing this you will run out of people to help you. For the last 4 days you have had an unanswered question: "What's wrong with me....Please help me".

If this is the way you are going to treat professional therapists who care about you and spend their working time helping you instead of helping another client then you must be respectful and kind to them or they will not come back.

I offer you a chance to change your rating to a positive, which it deserves. If you are angry at someone else, do not take it out on those you care.

I await your reply and positive feedback, and I offer this advice as therapy to you.

Warm regards,

Elliott

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