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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1696
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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Dear Dr. Keane, I know it is okay to be sad. I thought I was

Resolved Question:

Dear Dr. Keane, I know it is okay to be sad. I thought I was sorted on that one and handling it pretty well but now I feel really sad all over again. I mean, the funeral hasn't happened yet and I am fairly sure I will, as we were talking about before, feel better once that's occurred. I did have fun with my friend at the weekend and enjoyed some sun. Am I right in saying that the best way to deal with these feelings of grief is to just try and get on with things, but also allowing myself to just feel sad at times. I am trying to handle that and other things going on in my family the best that I can. I think today it's just getting to me a bit as I have a short time off work soon and then there is my friend, dead! I am also trying to think about how she is no longer suffering and that she no longer has to battle through lots of operations and medications and all the side-effects that entailed for her. As much as I feel really sad I am trying to think of things like that too. I know that she would want everyone who knew her to carry-on and do nice things. She was that sort of person, even at her funeral there's to be no black worn. Anyway, just wanted to say because I always think you are really good at "listening". I hope that you did have a good weekend. I am also still remembering I'd said to you that I'd let you know what the book of Call the Midwife is like, and I still will when I get round to reading it. I have a meeting to attend but should be back just after 8 my time.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Keane replied 1 year ago.

Dr.Keane :

Hi, It is perfectly okay to feel okay one minute and then when you think about your friend feel sad, normal part of grieving process especially since her funeral has not happened yet so there is no closure. That doesn't mean that once the funeral is over you will be "over" her death but as you know time makes grief pass. It's also perfectly okay to remind yourself that she is now out of pain, no more invasive procedures etc. I like her wish that no black be worn, what she is saying is that she wants people to celebrate her life. :)

Dr.Keane :

I also found this site that may help you with the negative self talk.

Dr.Keane :

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/nlp/2013/04/negative-self-talk/

Customer:

Hi

Customer:

I work very hard on the negative talk.

Customer:

mmm, I like her wish for people to wear nice colours too.

Customer:

I am sorry about my first comment here, it was a bit harsh and I really didn't mean it to be, just a bit emotional today and hadn't initially read what the link was properly and jumped to conclusions before I looked into it, thought it was a sign that you perhaps were fed-up of helping, but I see that my silly thought was nothing of the sort. So I am sorry that I initially saw it like something else must be falling apart. Again, hadn't meant to. Anyway, have quickly got more rational again and have had a look, and like I say my fleeting thought, I see was nothing more but just that. I do think I have an equally silly explanation for that, perhaps when feeling brave enough, I'll tell it to you. Well there are about 4 1/2 negative talking that I can say for sure that I do not do, or at least not knowingly.

Customer:

The rest I'd say I am working on. I think I recognise a lot more negative talk than what I used to before chatting to you. I more consciously for at least some of it, I think, push some of it aside. I know not it all, but some.

Customer:

Okay, so it was interesting and I have saved the page.

Customer:

I see my initial comment was very negative actually (now less upset for a moment and re-read what I wrote) and I am sorry for that.

Customer:

Thank you for your link, as I've said, I have read it, thought about it and also saved it to re-read. I do appreciate you going to the trouble of finding it and then thinking of me. I also appreciate what you said about my friend. Thank you for understanding and like that you also see that she is actually want people to celebrate her life, it was after all a very good life she led. Thank you!!! :)

Customer:

I see that our times just didn't match today, but I am hoping that you get this at some point. Thank you for your continued support and advice :)

Customer:

I would like to say that I am in a much better frame of mind today and that my attitude was far too negative yesterday and I hope that someway you see that I am interested in the article you gave the address to and have read it. Thank you!!

Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1696
Experience: Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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