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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 394
Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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I am wondering if my friend has depression as he said he is

Customer Question

I am wondering if my friend has depression as he said he is exercising to release endorphins. he says he is pursing a hobby for weekends and that he has anger going back to his childhood with his mother. he wasn't very emotional about all this. he is having counselling too. I've often found him to be stand offish and rather strange personality compared to my regular guy friends. I'd like to be there for him, it feels like I know who he is now. he's rather uncommunicative, how can I make him feel I am trust worthy without prying into his life? is he experiencing depression, he didn't say. he was rather inarticulate the time he told me.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 1 year ago.

pennyrayasMFT :

Hello there

pennyrayasMFT :

How are you tonight

pennyrayasMFT :

Your friend is lucky to have a friend like you

pennyrayasMFT :

I am not sure that your friend is experiencing depression

Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 1 year ago.

Depression is characterized by episodes of all-encompassing low mood accompanied by low self-esteem and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. This cluster of symptoms includes suicidal ideation, feeling hopeless, negative thoughts, or thoughts of death, feeling tired being angry.

Your friend does not have all the symptoms that are characterized by the dissorder but he has some of them. Dealing with childhood trauma may give someone the inability to trust, no skills in communicating and expressing feelings.

The best things you can do is to be there for him when he needs you. It may take him time to open up. I think he will need you to stay strong. Don't push him or treat him like he needs something. Just do the things you do with him. He will eventually open up to you. Tell him you are there if he ever wants to talk. Invite him to just spend time doing things you both enjoy.

I am glad he is in therapy.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
thank you. I have been reading that people in therapy don't always accept their therapists input and can be quite guarded. it sounded like my friend was defensive with his therapist. is this common? I've seen a vulnerable side to him, he said his leg hurt but he lay on the ground face down like he was out of it. I suspected this wasn't normal as I have seen all sorts of behaviour in my nursing career. unfortunately I regret I did not offer comfort and thought it he was bizzare. is this what people with low self esteem experience? you say he'd want me to be strong, he said he thinks I'm strong but of course he hadn't revealed anything to me then. why would a grown man be so angry with his parents?
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 1 year ago.
It is common for a client like him to now trust his therapist, the therapist first becomes the "BaD' parent and the anger comes out and a trained therapist can handle that and points the client to why he is angry. I am glad you seen the vulnerable side to him and that means he is opening up. That will take time. looking like a child and looking vulnerable is common and regretion looking like a child means he is going back experiencing childhood wounds. People with love self esteem have a hard time building and picking relationhsips because they think others do not like them. A grown man just realised that he was misstreated as a child and knows that has negative affects so yes he is angry with his parents. It is part of letting go of the type of parents he wanted to have as a child. Anger is the first stage then is acceptace and latter healing and forgiveness. It wil take time abuse children take time to heal as adults.
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 394
Experience: I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
Penny Rayas, MFT and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi . thanks. I think my friend is being a little more receptive and interested in me in perhaps romantically. I'm a little skeptical as I've been given the cold shoulder and disinterest from him in the past. I just don't find him communicative enough, and he tends to say random strange remarks. I guess you could find them offensive or weird, it's like he doesn't seem to have a very good idea of how to relate to women. It's nice that he is contacting me though. Im confused because, I feel it is difficult with him romantically. I'd like to know him better, but I can't shake off the feeling of that negative vibe/energy that he can exude. I know he's a good man, and it'll take time for him to open up, but could there be something else, like that he's unable to develop intimacy and real connections with women. Would this come down to his emotional wellbeing from a disturbed childhood?
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 1 year ago.
Hello there, it would be hard to know why your friend relates the way he does romantically. I have a feeling that your friend may suffer from a light case of Asperger's.
  • Problems with social skills: Children and adults with Asperger's syndrome generally have difficulty interacting with others and often are awkward in social situations. They generally do not make friends easily. They have difficulty initiating and maintaining conversation.
  • Eccentric or repetitive behaviors: Children with this condition may develop odd, repetitive movements, such as such as hand wringing or finger twisting.
  • Unusual preoccupations or rituals: A child with Asperger's syndrome may develop rituals that he or she refuses to alter, such as getting dressed in a specific order.
  • Communication difficulties: People with Asperger's syndrome may not make eye contact when speaking with someone. They may have trouble using facial expressions and gestures, and understanding body language. They also tend to have problems understanding language in context and are very literal in their use of language.
  • Limited range of interests: A person with Asperger's syndrome may develop an intense, almost obsessive, interest .
  • Most people witn Aspergers have a hard time connecting with someone romantically because they do not know what to say or do in social situations.
  • I wonder if those symptoms are what you see with your friend.

    In any case I think you are right to have reservations about this person. You can only tell if you want more than this person can offer.

    Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
    Category: Mental Health
    Satisfied Customers: 394
    Experience: I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
    Penny Rayas, MFT and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
    Customer: replied 1 year ago.
    Hi thanks, I think you may be right , I wondered if its was Asphergus Syndrome. Are there varying degrees of it? I work with some people and they do not communicate very well and they behave and look socially inept. One person dosn't make eye contact with the team very well and appears to be moody, and we feel we walking on egg shells. My friend dosn't look weird, but our mutual friends that have lived with him mentioned he is strange. He does have friends, whom i've met, probably wouldn't be the most well refined people, but he does have an active social life and has a professional career. Sometimes when we've socialised, he has wandered away from me, and I've seen him do this amongst our circle of friends too. Sometimes he surprisingly is thoughtful and considerate so I'm not sure, if it is Asphergus, but something does tell me that he is different and lacks the charm and may not have coping skills with intimacy, hence the same texts he sends, using emoticons, I don't see all the symptoms you describe, but he knows how to make small talk, he can be friendly, its the way he says things without really thinking about it, i know that he is difficult to befriend, he's even said he knows he's difficult. Do people with this syndrome know that they are wired differently? Would they experience other co existing disorders and can they lead normal lives? Thanks

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