Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about this very frustrating and stressing situation.
Your story shows very clearly how tough it could have been for each of you to cope with unavoidable life challenges and difficulties because of past neglect and abuse during childhood to the time you could move away from your dysfunctional families. All the medical and mental health problems you have been presenting are just very hard to cope with for anybody in your shoes, but you have had the assertiveness and responsibility to star taking good care of it, getting necessary physical and psychological treatment, and you should feel proud of it.
At the same time one of the core issues you have mentioned is about the serious codependency issues undermining your life and marriage, like by this neediness to please people instead of taking good care of yourself, setting healthy and clear boundaries and limits, and not allowing any form of abuse, manipulation or neglect. When people do start making these necessary changes, they will always have to afford huge resistance from those people around them who have been playing a codependent role, since they would not be willing nor happy to end the conscious circle and stop having all the benefits they got from it in the past.
The episodes you described show how much work needs to be done by your wife on herself in order for your marriage and family to heal and grow as a healthy and fulfilling reality for all of you. For this to happen, each of you need to take full responsibility of your own feelings, choices, actions and reactions, and eradicate any selfish approach undermining your core responsibilities to each other. You are the breadwinner of your family, they totally depend on you and your hard work for everything around their material, health, education needs and for everything else, then there is not doubt that anything done undermining your job would damage the whole family. Life is about priorities and for sure there is much need for your wife to truly understand what it means to be a healthy, accountable and supportive life partner, otherwise your life together could not flourish.
Firing your counselor would just be an unhealthy decision based on the very same codependency you have started to work on in therapy. My recommendation is for you to continue to commit to your rehabilitation processes from medical and mental health conditions, getting all the support you can, and being %100 consistent taking action for these changes to become a reality, one you and your family deserve.
Does it make sense?
I truly hope she could reflect on her behavior and reassess her priorities, for her to take good care not only of her personal health, but for your marital and family well-being.