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Hi, I'm happily married to my same sex partner of 7 years.I have two mental health queries:
1. I am super sensitive to touch.It makes things quite difficult in the bedroom as I don't seem to be able to tolerate my partner touching me. I'm sexually attracted to her I'm just very sensitive. I get over stimulated then don't want to be touched at all. Is there anything I can do to tolerate touch?
2. Since I was a teenager I've always looked for a strong generally older female to look up to. I normally change who this is once a year or so. I'm generally not attracted to them but I want them to like me and I look up to them. Is this healthy?
I have bipolar II, generalised anxiety disorder and I was abused as a child.
Hello there and thanks for asking JA. Being overstimulated by touch is a common for adults who were sexually abused as children. I think it is critical to find a way to tell your therapist because a lot of the progress in therapy will come from that. I think to tolorate touch you can start an exercise where yoou and your partner touch easchother and do not let the touch lead to sex. You can start with 5 minutes of touching. Tell your partner that this is an exercise that you are doing with her to help your tolorate touch.
please ask your therapist to give you a refferal to a survivers group.
Your second question is more complicated. Were you sexualy abused by and older man or woman? Feeling secure maybe a need that you have because you were abused. On the other hand we all need adult role models so I do not seen anything wrong with this. Are you close to your mother? Do you miss the relationship with her?
Hi thanks for your response. What's a survivors group? We're fairly limited in this country when it comes to support groups. Is there any treatment that will make me less sensitive? I wasn't sexually abused but I also didn't form any real attachment to my mum for various reasons. I was physically abused and mum didn't do much to try and stop it and she was quite distant.
Hello I missunderstood you
I thought you were sexually abused
adults who were physically abused have a hard time with relationships
I think introducing touch slowly in a loving way
can teach you slowly how to tollorate it
for you touch because it was abuse was negative
you have to change your mind's responce that touch is possitive
It will take time
Your partner will have to slowly touch you and change the pressure
of touch only one touch at the time
you can tell him what touch feels good what feels bad
when he touches tell yourself I am safe and loved
just a few touches at the time
it was a learned behavior to hate touch
you will learn how to like it
once a week just do this exercise
if you feel you do not like it stop it and dont get dissapointed
Hello I am sorry I meant her instead of he
let me know what you think
about the method
Let me know if you want to talk to someone else,
The only thing I can think is to talk to your wife about slow touch and try a bit of touch at the time
i think you can connect the touch with good feelings such as her expressing her love and telling you loving things
The way you assosiate touch and what it means has to change slowly