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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 395
Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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Sensitive to touch

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Hi, I'm  happily married to my same sex partner of 7 years.I have two mental health queries:


 


1. I am super sensitive to touch.It makes things quite difficult in the bedroom as I don't seem to be able to tolerate my partner touching me. I'm sexually attracted to her  I'm just very sensitive. I get over stimulated then don't want to be touched at all. Is there anything I can do to tolerate touch? 


 2. Since I was a teenager I've always looked for a strong generally older female to look up to. I normally change who this is once a year or so. I'm generally not attracted to them but I want them to like me and I look up to them.  Is this healthy?


 


I have bipolar II, generalised anxiety disorder and I was abused as a child.


pennyrayasMFT :

Hello there and thanks for asking JA. Being overstimulated by touch is a common for adults who were sexually abused as children. I think it is critical to find a way to tell your therapist because a lot of the progress in therapy will come from that. I think to tolorate touch you can start an exercise where yoou and your partner touch easchother and do not let the touch lead to sex. You can start with 5 minutes of touching. Tell your partner that this is an exercise that you are doing with her to help your tolorate touch.

pennyrayasMFT :

please ask your therapist to give you a refferal to a survivers group.

pennyrayasMFT :

Your second question is more complicated. Were you sexualy abused by and older man or woman? Feeling secure maybe a need that you have because you were abused. On the other hand we all need adult role models so I do not seen anything wrong with this. Are you close to your mother? Do you miss the relationship with her?

Customer:

Hi

Customer:

Hi thanks for your response. What's a survivors group? We're fairly limited in this country when it comes to support groups. Is there any treatment that will make me less sensitive? I wasn't sexually abused but I also didn't form any real attachment to my mum for various reasons. I was physically abused and mum didn't do much to try and stop it and she was quite distant.

pennyrayasMFT :

Hello I missunderstood you

pennyrayasMFT :

I thought you were sexually abused

pennyrayasMFT :

adults who were physically abused have a hard time with relationships

pennyrayasMFT :

I think introducing touch slowly in a loving way

pennyrayasMFT :

can teach you slowly how to tollorate it

pennyrayasMFT :

for you touch because it was abuse was negative

pennyrayasMFT :

you have to change your mind's responce that touch is possitive

pennyrayasMFT :

It will take time

pennyrayasMFT :

Your partner will have to slowly touch you and change the pressure

pennyrayasMFT :

of touch only one touch at the time

pennyrayasMFT :

you can tell him what touch feels good what feels bad

pennyrayasMFT :

when he touches tell yourself I am safe and loved

pennyrayasMFT :

just a few touches at the time

pennyrayasMFT :

it was a learned behavior to hate touch

pennyrayasMFT :

you will learn how to like it

pennyrayasMFT :

once a week just do this exercise

pennyrayasMFT :

if you feel you do not like it stop it and dont get dissapointed

pennyrayasMFT :

Hello I am sorry I meant her instead of he

pennyrayasMFT :

let me know what you think

pennyrayasMFT :

Hello I am sorry I meant her instead of he

pennyrayasMFT :

about the method

Penny Rayas, MFT and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

Let me know if you want to talk to someone else,

The only thing I can think is to talk to your wife about slow touch and try a bit of touch at the time

i think you can connect the touch with good feelings such as her expressing her love and telling you loving things

The way you assosiate touch and what it means has to change slowly

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