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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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She does have rage issues also.

Resolved Question:

She does have rage issues also.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 1 year ago.

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Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 1 year ago.

Hello there.

I would like to help, in order to give you the best service, I would like to know more about the person who has rage

how is she related to you? When did the rage issues happen? When and with whom she has the rages?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Please read the entire notation. I am hoping to see if her abandonment issues drive her behavior. Her rage is secondary. She is my sister. I am one of five born in 6 years. Boy is in the middle 4 girls. I am youngest she is 1+ years older than me.
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 1 year ago.

Hello there and thanks for letting me know. Abandonment issues drive people's behavior, they make them difficult to get along with. Children with abandonment issues become borderline personality disordered adults. They want to get close to people but they push others away be being mean, cruel and nasty to others. It is almost like they want others to prove that they will love them and not abandone them no mother what they do. The often split families and see family members as either all good or all bad. They have intense and short lived relationship and they are always hurt but blaim others. Yes rage is secondary to fear that they will be abandoned. They are also abandoned because they push people away. I bet you love her but she is hard to handle. You are going well by having strong bounderies, another thing that helps is to now become emotionally attached to her critisism and emotional style. Stay cool and detach and not let her split the family. She may need to say you are the best or the worst sister. She experiences extream emotions try to stay nutral.

I bet it is taugh

Customer: replied 1 year ago.
That part about all good or all bad is helpful. She seems to know the truth about who I am but chooses one thing
To put myself and all she detaches from in a horrible light that
Is not accurate especially about people's motives. After decades of practice
I can actually be objective about her destructive ways. I am training my other sister to see through her cunning attacks and limit the penetrating damage. Any other insight? It must be when she has trusted someone that she gets the most aggressive ? Apparently the cure is not to have devoted
Trustworthy committed loved ones but instead POWER. It seems she has traded intimacy for that? Others goodness seems to make her look worse and threatens her? She has no difficulty showing her bad colors publically or otherwise...
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 1 year ago.
Hello there, thanks for making this more clear how difficult if must be for you to deal with all this. You are so right my client who have Bordeline Personality disorder get more agressive with those who get closer to them. The reason for this is that they are very affaid because they let someone in and they are afraid that now that the person is in emotional the person will not be able to handle their moods and the person will abandon them. The only way they think that others will not leave them is if they have power over them. Yes they are very power hungry because they believe that they are not loved or lovable. Yes they trade love for power because they believe they will never get love. I have to warn you that w.hen they realize they are loved they can't handle it and become suicidal. Thinking they don't deserve the love they get. Eventually with consistancy and telling her that you may not like what she does but you will always love her she may see the truth after years of self-search. She will need a good therapist that specialises in bordeline personality disorders. I would say your sister is very luck to have you. You are a very loving person for not leaving her and going your own way. I hope this helps your understanding of this difficult disorder. Yes the godness of other makes her worse because she is afraid she will like them and then they will live. I have worked for years with those with this disorder they push me away and then they try to pull me in. I stay consistant they know that day and time I visist and I keep being there for them eventually it takes a few years they start to trust me and then the fears of abandonment come in therapy, anger and theats also. Very few therapists are willing to work with borderline personality. I have seen people get better after years of therapy.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you. She went to one therapist for 5 years and he was a coworker of my spouse and tended to not say the
Hard things and hang onto his clients so it is possible
That she was in control so to speak. Well possibly in time
As i consistently set boundaries and welcome her to connect if appropriate
But mostly I keep a very short leash on her bad behavior
And not let her get by with it like a bad kid who was
Never taught self control. She may in time feel secure with me
Though I am complete without her. She always responds to my boundary
Setting like someone held up a mirror for the first time. Seeing her behavior she didn't see before, Shocked and surprised in a good way she is trapped by this fear and I pray for her to have a healed heart. Thanks for helping me see her objectively and more compassionately
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for working with me, your sister is lucky to have you. You doing a great job and I have a feeling eventually she will go back to therapy and learn more skills. Please rate my service I always strive to give good service and I am here for helping you in the future if you need it. It has been a pleasure working with you
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 394
Experience: I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
Penny Rayas, MFT and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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