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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5220
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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severe depression

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I am suffering under depression cause I can't impress any girl. I am sure that I am ugly and not made to satisfy any woman. I am 20 years old, virgin and my hair is balding because of that... I compare myself to other guys which are very successful with women. They don't have to approach to woman because women approach them... Life is not fair!!!! I am thinking about a surgery where I want to improve my appeareance. Is this the right way of solving my problem or should I solve it otherwise? I am a very shy guy when it comes to talking with women. my brain just blocks me from any conversation with a woman because I had many bad experiences with women in my life. At the moment I don't know any thing I could do to get out of this hole, besides suicide, surgery or killing women and going to jail. Nothing means anything to me at the moment. It's really sad that no person shows any interest in me (boys and girls). Girls just ignore me or they are bored of me quickly... I have black hair, bushy eyebrows, 1.75m and normal stature. I really need your advice!

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating this situation must be for you. You are clearly a sincere young man. And you have very well stated what the problem really is:

"I am a very shy guy when it comes to talking with women. my brain just blocks me from any conversation with a woman".

From my training and experience in psychotherapy, please let me caution you about surgery: surgery is not going to make you into an outgoing, extroverted, life of the party kind of guy that you envy. It will not. It will not all of a sudden make you know what to say to women easily, it will not make you smile confidently when you're talking to women.

It is not the handsomeness of a man that makes him succeed with women. It is his confidence and his calm that lets him focus on the signals they are giving and to respond appropriately. A man who is successful with women is a man who can sense when a woman wants to laugh or when she wants to be listened to and taken seriously, or when she wants a compliment, etc. He knows how to listen and how to respond, how to notice, not just how to look. All these things won't change with a surgery.

But you can help yourself succeed with women. You've had some traumatic experiences and these must be dealt with so that you can get the proper coaching to be successful with women. Again, first you need to work in psychotherapy to deal with the traumas you've had and the shyness. And then you can focus with your therapist on coaching for succeeding with women.

The best type of therapy for you is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT focuses on skills and on behaviors and on changing negative thoughts. This is the best route for you to take. So please don't become impatient and don't give up. Find a psychologist or psychotherapist to work with you on these things so that you can have the success you seek.

Okay, I wish you the very best!

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