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Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am sorry to know about this frustrating situation.
So what are your thoughts
You're welcome. This type of scenario is not uncommon, social media and the internet have opened a huge universe of new challenges and potential issues around sharing, friendships, relationships, flirting, virtual realities and the possibility to play roles and expose ourselves to engage in behaviors we would not do that easily through face to face interactions.
I have never done anything like this before
If you were able to fully acknowledge what happened, taking responsibility for it, and were honest about totally ending this relationship, then, that's the best anybody in your shoes could do about it...
It hurts me to know I did this and went this far with it
I havent had any type of contact with this female since that day i ended it
I never want something like this to happen again
On the other hand, it is essential to understand how hurt your fiancee could be feeling because of it. Women could react in very different ways, some could cope with it better than others, and some who truly push themselves to heal and move on, could find themselves unable to do so.
I feel like I was draw in, but on the other hand I am a grown man and know better
Make no mistake I never met this person or anything in that manner
So do you think giving her time is the best thing i can do
Right. What i see is that you are holding accountability for it, taking consistent action after learning from this mistake, and doing your best to promote healing and your fiancee's trust. That's what you can and should control; everything else in how this evolves depends on how she works on it.
We are still engaged so I guess that is a good sign i suppose
I suggest you to totally respect the boundaries she has set, to truly show you respect her, care about her feelings and want to be supportive and fully consistent doing your best to promote healing in your relationship.
I agree but it is very hard
I guess I want to fix it on my own.
Sure it is. Again, nobody knows, including her how well she would be able to cope with it tomorrow, but what you know is that doing things the right way, being understanding, patient and supportive, you could offer real help.
You can only and should only try to control yourself, so focus on making improvements at that level, while showing real respect, empathy and support, taking into account her feelings and boundaries, without pushing her at all.
Her Birthday is XXXXX Sunday. Last week before she wanted her her space I ordered her flowers I hope that doesnt mess anything up. Now i cant cancel the order.
They will be delivered to her work place
This is a real crisis, and it could lead to the end of your relationship; it could deeply damage it, or it could allow it to mature and get stronger and healthier, it would all depend on how each of you as individuals, and together as a couple work on it.
I really regret that this ever happened. I have never done anything like this before. I am ashamed of myself.
You know her, her personality, feelings, values, core needs and expectations, fears and issues too, then use such knowledge and understanding in ways to be very supportive, caring and proactive now. She needs to process what happened and gain back or rebuild trust about herself, you and your relationship.
I agree totally.
Focus all those feelings in constructive ways, doing so you would heal and grow wiser from this painful situation.
You are right. Thanks for the advise. I needed to hear that.
I can tell you with confidence that many people engaging in these type of behaviors do not use to take full responsibility and change, but relapse and are not truly honest with themselves nor with those around them. In those cases it is truly concerning and sad, but it is not your case, then please be also gentle,, understanding and supportive with yourself, not wasting energy you need to heal and grow from it.
Like i said i wished I could change it. But I was honest about what happened and that all i can do.
Right. You're very welcome. Thank you for being this open here and for your trust.
Thank You for helping me understand this problem better
I am glad to know this has been helpful. If you or you fiancee find it tough to work on your healing process, please consider getting individual and couples counseling as a way to get the best necessary support to work on yourselves.
Have a good day