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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 395
Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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I go to work and when I get there I am depressed enough to

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I go to work and when I get there I am depressed enough to cry. When is this over? I am on Klonopin, Zoloft, Resperidone and a new one for mania. How can I stop facking it ever day and just be myself? yes, I was a former Marine, Officer, Pilot. I know there is something better out there for me. I currently work for the Gov in processing and its through lack of training and just pure fortitude that I have made it every day. The Gov is resistant to change. I am all about CHANGE. What can I do to get my self worth back? My wife has pulled me out of these rollercoaster rides many times. I dont want to be here, but, like everyone need the money. I can retire in about 2 and half years, can I make it, can I fake it?
Hello there and thanks for asking JA. I would like to ask a few questions. It sounds like your job is very frustrating. I work for the county and I understand closed systems are hard to chance. Do you hate your job everyday? Is there anyway to get early retirement? Can you transfer to another department? I think you have to consider all your options. What triggers your depression? Is it the fact that you can't change things that you see are wrong? I also wonder what you do to release all this stress? Have you tried meditation and relaxation? How are your relationships outside work? Do you have a good support system? I am glad you have a good wife and that helps. When did the depression start? Do you have experienced a very traumatic experience where you thought you were going to die in the past?

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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I tried to ask one, I will state the answers to your question. I find you on point and that is what I need. I really feel underutilized in my job as a GS6, I used to be a Marine Pilot with countless responsibilities. I am sadden each day I go into work. I take on the hardest task on our task list and no recognition. My supervisors are much younger and do not understand motivation and reward. Disappointed to say the least, I just feel like there is something else for me to do in life? I am a Debt Manager for the Army Pay Center in Indy, I have pulled several people out of the fire, with serious pay problems and huge debts. Our system is not always right, guess that is why we are here. I really dont care if I see tomorrow. I have it all and cannot enjoy any of it. I dont go anywhere and dont want to do anything. My wife is in the same mode, she is a case manager and is overtasked. She is quiet tired after each day. We have not had sex in years. Another blow to my ego, I guess. The bad out weighs the good. What can I say.

Thanks for writing. I am sorry that people in your job supervisors do not know how to run things and do not give you the respect you need. Maybe looking for a job that will appreciate your skills and experience will help a lot. Many loving married couples stop having sex do to stress. I think trying to reconnect with your wife is a priority. I bet she thinks you don't find her atractive any longer. When you are depressed you have to fake being happy until you feel it. Why because the brain does not know the difference. I suggest that you ask your wife on a date even if you had a bad day and you are tired. Women need a connection to feel sexual so tell her she is pretty and be a bit more affectionate. I also think that seeing a PTSD specialist can help you a lot. I think you probably have more than depression you got PTSD from pulling several people out of the fire. This is a time to heal I suggest that you look at psychology Today and look in your zip for someone who is a trauma specialist. PTSD is very treatable and you will feel better after several months of therapy. I got the feeling that you will get involved in something different at work such as educating others about the affects of PTSD and helping others overcome that. I think when our sould tell us " Is this all there is" there is a change we are about to experience. Seeing a therapist weekly will take you to the right path. ALso groups for Vets you call you local VA hospital they have great treatment and support groups. I want to thank you for serving and keeping our country safe. Also you job has an EAP program that provides free therapy to help you overcome this. It is very confidential and they do not tell your employer. I wish you luck, I hope you find the meaning of all this because I have a feeling that you have so much to give to others who are going through the same.
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