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Alicia_MSW, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 792
Experience:  Specializing in mental health counseling
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HI I have a 22 year old granddaughter,who continually lies

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HI I have a 22 year old granddaughter,who continually lies about her drug taking, I have guided her to Drs, mental health organizations. Have help her in to employment. I have given her thousands of $s. I love you dearly but I can't do this any more. Am I right to turn my back on her ???
Hi, I'm Alicia. Thanks for your question, I'm happy to help you today.

It sounds like you have bent over backwards to help your granddaughter, and I commend all of the effort and love you've given to her. It seems like you are coming to realize that perhaps all of your help, despite your best intentions, might actually be enabling her behavior, instead of improving it. It's hard to hear, I realize, but the fact is, people with drug problems will do anything they can (including manipulating the ones they love) to maintain their addiction - and you say she's blaming you all for many of the problems she's currently facing in her life. She needs to learn to take responsibility for her behavior - even though she is only 22, this is a critical point in her life for making the transition to adulthood. And unfortunately, people with drug addiction problems often need to "hit bottom" before they can truly get better and begin the process of recovery.

It sounds to me that you've done as much as you can at this point. You've tried to help her into treatment, you've given her money, helped with with employment, and so on and so on. It's not good for you - or your granddaughter - if you continue to help her like this. I know your heart is in the right place, but she needs to learn that she has to take responsibility in order to get better. And the way that happens (again, as painful as it can be) is for family members to stop rescuing her. You might be interested in reading this article, as it has a lot of useful information for family members of people with drug problems:

You don't have to completely shut her out, but you also shouldn't continue to rescue her. By helping her, it's actually only perpetuating the problem and preventing her from seeing that she needs help.

I know it can be difficult, but it's important to stay strong - for your and your granddaughter's sake. When she realizes that she can't depend on you (or her mother - she should also stop rescuing her, as difficult as it can be for her to do so, too) she might actually start to take responsibility and seek professional help for her problem.

I hope that helps, and I wish you luck. Please let me know if you need further assistance. Best wishes.
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