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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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Marriage-Sex

Customer Question

Good morning. Is it normal that my wife and I don't have oral sex? We used to prior to marriage but have not done it for our almost 5 year marriage. She thinks its dirty and I don't enjoy doing it on her. We have a good marriage and do enjoy manual stimulation and normal intercourse (of course). Are we unusual for not having oral sex?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 1 year ago.
Hello,

It is not necessarily unusual. This can be seen as a personal preference. It is something both of you ought to be on the same page.
Of course, if one individual does not want to engage in this act for whatever personal reason, the other partner should try to respect their wish.
Respect and open communications are healthy signs of any relationship.

Prior to marriage it may have been something adventurous to try and after a while, the novelty of it had worn out. Another reason may be that she does not orgasm or feels uneasy having this sort of physical closeness, which may make her feel vulnerable. As long as you're having a healthy sexual relationship (frequent pleasurable love making), then your relationship is not unusual due to its lack of oral sex.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks! Our sex frequency has gone down a lot during my wifes pregnancy...our baby is due in August. Wife gets tired easily and had some back pain. I think the decreased sex during pregnancy i somewhat normal?

Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 1 year ago.
Yes, it is normal as her hormones are changing. The energy level having decreased is another plausible reason you've noticed. Try to note how she acts and what her mood and libido is after the arrival of your infant. You'd want to make sure that she does not get post partum depression as that too would significantly affect her libido. Some antidepressant medications can also do that.
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
Dr. Rossi and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks. We've only had sex like 2-3 times during the pregnancy..wife is 23 weeks pregnancy. My wife gets tired easily (understandable) and feels fat and ugly. I keep telling her that she's beautiful and looks great. Also, we like missionary and that sex position is impossible now. I'm just concerned about our sex life once the baby arrives. I suppose it will get better once the baby arrives and we get adjusted?

Expert:  Dr. Rossi replied 1 year ago.
It will most likely get better after the pregnancy. Her hormones and self esteem are interfering with her libido now. There are different things a couple can try as far as sexual interaction besides intercourse i.e. oral sex, masturbation.

Your concern is valid because it is based on what you're experience now during her pregnancy. Think about how your sexual life was like before the pregnancy and how your wife felt about herself. If there is "baby weight" left after the pregnancy, she can lose the weight w/ exercise and monitoring of her diet. The two of you can go out for a stroll and walking is something that can improve one's mood besides burning calories.
Complimenting her is a good positive feedback. You may also decide to give her a foot massage, get her some flowers (something that would make her feel special).
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi. My wife and I haven't had sex since my son was born in late August. She's breastfeeding him and doing a great job. She's an awesome Mom. Is it normal that we haven't made love? She stays at home with my son all day and is taking a year off from work. I know she's tired, but how can we re-kindle things?

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