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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3029
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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My son told me that he had been attracted to one female, however

Resolved Question:

My son told me that he had been attracted to one female, however he was unable to perform which would seem to confirm the fact that he is gay. I guess I was at first hoping that this meant that he might be bi-sexual and then be able to choose which direction or person he would be with. I am trying to understand if he is gay why he would have been attracted to a female at all.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I can see you are confused about your son's sexual preference and relationships. It would be very useful if you could tell me more about your son and this problems.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If your son is a young adult or even younger and has been having a hard time about his sexual preferences, this recent episode could show he is trying to find out what he really feels and wants in his life around close relationships.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The very same scenario could be motivated by different concerns, that's why it is important to explore each case as unique.

Customer:

This might sound like a strange question but if he did find another female that he was attracted to and wanted to try and be intimate with, could something like

Customer:

Viagara be helpful to him

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Many times people conflicted with their sexual preferences do try to push themselves to have or develop romantic-sexual relationships with would seem more adequate and acceptable in accordance to general standards, but not because they truly feel that's what they want and feel more comfortable with. If he is doing this because he does not want to feel he has homosexual preferences, then it would not help him, but could create issues. Males could have erectile and ejaculatory disorders without being homosexual, and homosexual people could or could not experience sexual performance problems during homosexual or heterosexual relationships.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then an homosexual person could sexually perform in a heterosexual encounter, but that would not mean that person stops being homosexual because of that.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

In fact many homosexual people who feel conflicted with their sexual preference, do push themselves into heterosexual relationships - encounters hoping they would change the way they feel, but reality shows things around sexuality, preferences and intimacy do not work that way.

Customer:

If when he enters counseling it turns out that a past memory is a contributing factor to his orientation and I believe that is possible, would this change the end result as far as orientation is concerned?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Viagra could mechanically make him have and keep an erection, but that's it, it would not change his sexual preferences, mind, emotions, choices or behavior.

Customer:

I will be working on accepting the situation, I just feel that it does make life more difficult for the individual. I know one mother asked her gay son when they came out, if they could take a pill that would make them heterosexual would they use it and he said yes. I read about some studies done on fruit flies that was allowing scientists to alter orientation. Is it at all possible that someday there would be that choice for humans. I think it would be nice for there to be the possibility of choice.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Psychotherapy (better than counseling) is recommended for sure, once he in unclear and challenged by his sexual preferences. Exploring, identifying and processing past experiences or issues leading to present situations -behaviors, does use to help people to heal and rehabilitate, learn and grow, but it should not be taken as an absolute solution to sexual preferences. people in his shoes could find themselves able to clarify things and stop feeling conflicted whether they feel like keeping an homosexual preference or not.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I think science will continue to make discoveries and manipulate the way body and mind work, but it does not mean the impact it has on people' health, psyche and should would not happen, since we are all interconnected and we know from experience and science, that even when we can affect and alter mood and psychological processes modifying the brain and nervous system, glands and more, the individual will continue to literally shape his body-psyche depending on beliefs, values, expectations ad more.

Customer:

Thanks for all the help. I will help my son to find a good psychotherapist so that he can find his way to happiness.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I agree with you that we all should have the choice, and I do always recommend people with heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual preferences, who feel conflicted or have issues because of that, to look for professional psychotherapeutic support to work on themselves, in order to take good care of any issue undermining their ability and need they have to create and enjoy meaningful, and fulfilling lives.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely! and your role as a mother is to provide unconditional healthy emotional support and guidance, respecting his uniqueness, personality , needs and expectations in assertive ways, while helping him to get sound professional support via psychotherapy / counseling.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

many times it is not easy to find a good psychotherapist, but it is necessary and worthy for sure.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please work on that, for him to get the tools and support he needs to create and promote the life experiences and well-being he deserves.

Customer:

I will, thank-you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3029
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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