I really hope you can help me. What am I doing wrong?? I have been married to my husband for almost 7 years and problems started shortly after we got married. My husband had kids before we got married and one of his kids is from his previous marriage with very controlling woman (his ex). When we got married I immediately fell in love with his entire family and hoped we all could be one big happy family. Unfortunately his sister (who was always very sweet to me) is and has been pretty close with his ex. And, of course, as she doesn't mind inviting her husband's ex to her house because of the mutual child involved, she didn't think much of inviting her old friend (my husband's ex) and her new family member (me) to her parties like baby shower, etc. My husband and his ex do not get along very well, but kept in touch because of the child. She didn't make it easy for him to be able to see his daughter very often either. However my sister-in-law was able to get his daughter and visit her any time because of their close relationship, she also has her own daughter the same age, so it was important to her to have access to her niece as they were growing up together. However, it was always hurtful for my husband to see their close relationships after his ex-wife cheated on him. When I came into the picture it was also hurtful and awkward to hear her stories about ex, see pictures with them hanging out together or socialize at the same parties. Problems started when I didn't come to my sister-in-law's baby shower (invitation got lost in the mail according to her), but I told her that I wouldn't have come anyway, because of my husband's ex. My husband and I tried to explain to her that it's hurtful and disrespectful toward us. She got mad at us and told us that she does it because of her niece. She is the only one in the family has real access to his daughter. And every time the ex gets upset with my sister in law she doesn't let her see the niece either. She also mentioned she tries to have good relationships with everyone. And they do live close to each other unlike us. We had a big falling out with my sister in law after we found out she and her family were also spending the New Years eve and Christmas (aside from our family gathering) with the ex and stopped talking for almost 2 years, though she kept calling my husband. I couldn't find the piece because of this and finally wrote her a letter trying to resolve everything. She said that we are her family and she always loves us and wishes we could have friendly relationships. I explained to her that I too wish we could be closer and I am not against them being friends, but she has to consider feelings of everyone involved and there is a line she has been crossing. I also told her that as long as she remains "family ties" with his ex in stead of friendship, we couldn't be in the same family. She didn't answer to that but started calling more and tried to rebuild the relationship with our family while still kept the same close relationship with the ex. Confused with her behavior I emailed to her last September asking to meet with me one day and have a talk, hoping to see where we are standing and set clear boundaries. She said she will let me know when she is available, but to this date (7 months later) we still haven't met. She acts like nothing has happened and she loves us, she calls us often and when we do meet at someone's party we have a good time, but her husband still has the worst attitude toward us because of this issue and nothing between their family and the ex has changed. Moreover they visited ex during the Christmas holidays, but they still haven't been to our house despite the fact that my third child (her nephew) was born around that time and we invited them to visit us around holidays. She said they were busy and still says she is going to come visit us sometimes soon and we are going to meet, etc. It's already April... I am really confused by her behavior and don't know what else to do. It seems like she really wants us to have a close relationship, but all my attempts to bring us closer and remove "the wall" between us fail every time. I really would love us to be close, I like her a lot and family is everything to me, but as long as this issue remains unresolved I don't see it possible. But more than anything I just want to understand her behavior, this whole situation, am I wrong for being upset, what I am doing wrong and how should I act? Thank you so much in advance.