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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My brother is very antisocial person. He is almost 30 years

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My brother is very antisocial person. He is almost 30 years old. Lives with my mother. He has almost no friends. He does not call or interact with any friend. His only friend calls him once in 6 months maybe. He likes to stay at home (and in his room) all the time. He does not go outside if he is not forced. We force him to do shopping or something. He is trying finishing school (university). He told us that he has finished it 3 years ago, but later on we have learned that he has failed lots of courses. We changed his school now he is attending another university and he is almost done but recently we have learnt that he did not attend to midterms. Anyway he is now living alone in the dormitory. He was staying with a friend previously and his friend has graduated. He said they did not assigned anybody to his room. Maybe he is moved to single room I am not sure. We do not want him to stay alone, but looks like he is try to do so.
He lies all the time. Sometimes on the phone he answers our questions with a long pause. We are not sure whether he is telling the truth. We lost our father 10 years ago, it affected him but he was kind of like that before too. He is very smart guy, he is studying something he does not like much, but he chose the subject by himself anyway. Now we want him to finish the school get the degree but I am not sure he could do it though. He was diagnosed with depression 3 years ago. But I am not sure it is only depression problem.
When he is with friends and he likes the subject he likes to talk, he just does not want to move outside the house I guess. Any suggestions. Thanks,
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your brother either has depression or a possible personality disorder. Lying is a sign of a personality disorder but lack of motivation could be either one. At this point, it sounds like he might need a mental health evaluation to determine exactly what his symptoms are from so he can address whatever is going on. Your brother's main motivation seems to be his family. It appears that on his own, he may want to do the minimum or nothing at all. So that may make it difficult to get him to see that he needs help.

Have you or your family tried to talk to him about seeing a therapist? A therapist can provide an evaluation of his symptoms to see if he does have depression or a personality disorder.

But if he will not go to a therapist, you can try to see if your brother is willing to see his doctor. Sometimes a person will talk to their doctor when they refuse to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist. If he is willing to see his doctor, call ahead before his appointment to let the doctor know what is going on. He or she may not be able to share anything with you, but you can certainly tell them what you are witnessing with your brother and they can address it with him. And if the doctor notices depression, it is possible that anti depressants might help your brother to feel better.

Here are some other resources to help you with ideas on how to help your brother:

I Am Not Sick I Don't Need Help: How to Help Someone with Mental Illness Accept Treatment-Xavier Amador.

You can only try to help your brother. The rest is on him. Unless he shows signs or tells you that he wants to hurt himself or someone else, the law states he can do whatever he wants and cannot be forced to get treatment. But that does not mean you cannot encourage him or attempt to motivate him to seek help on his own. Sometimes support is the best way to help someone, even if it takes a long time for them to see it.

I hope this has helped you,
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