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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Hello Doctor, I am 31 year old man with some sexual issues

Resolved Question:

Hello Doctor,

I am 31 year old man with some sexual issues / confusions....
before 4-5 years my sexual life started and I used to enjoy multiple orgasm and ability to perform extremely perfect with maintaining long-time erection and good pace with my partner.... this was till last December that I am always excited when in private and ready when we both are ready (or when only I am).....

During January we had minimal activities in bed as She used to be stressed and tired.... I was mostly excited but slowly started losing a grip..... now when she is back to game since March I hardly feel erection (unless watching porn) and ejaculate very quickly (within few strocks/seconds in compare to earlier within few minutes)....

I love her very much and want to satisfy her at every opportunity and instance in life.... I also love to have a sex very much..... but this issue is affecting both of our lifes very slowly and steadily.... I know she understands my feelings and current issue - but I don't want adjustment in there, instead I want to get to solution so we can have healthy sexual life alongside life full of love.....

Please advice.....

Thanks
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this frustrating situation in your lives.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The scenario you described could show how the stressors affecting your intimacy and sexual life during those couple of months, could have affected your mood and confidence to the point of leading to this erectile and ejaculatory disorders. It is not uncommon for people to find themselves undergoing very frustrating experience caused or triggered by psycho - emotional factors, from stress about any life issue, to fears, frustration, depression or high anxiety levels.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

if you are sure your physical health is good, and based on your story, where you describe being able to have erections and achieve orgasm but with the use of porn, it could effectively point at the psychological nature of these problems.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Have you suffered of anxiety in the past?

Customer:

Not specific... been concerned about future always so i consider that as part of being myself

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, then it could be that anxiety has always been present in higher levels already from before this issue.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

When anxiety is already present in higher levels new stressors could trigger further anxiety or anxiety related disorders.

Customer:

what could be solution.... as I can foresee that if this continues at some stage comfort level of relation could get disturbed and bring issues in life

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely. Since this appears to be a psychological issue based on anxiety.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

The way to go would be to look for a professional psychotherapist with expertise in anxiety and sexual disorders

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You would need to work on yourself with individual therapy first, specially reducing anxiety and any other psycho-emotional factor undermining your sexual performance, then couples counseling would be the best way for you to work together on your sex life, for it to get back to normal.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is important to note that most times these disorders bypass the person's awareness, thus you do not need to know, understand or be aware of how this happen, your body-psyche just react and develop these conditions without requiring your conscious attention or understanding.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is why psychotherapy is so important addressing these core issues, and supporting you to reduce anxiety levels, once it is anxiety what fuels these disorders most of the time.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Most times people presenting sex issues, without a medical problem causing them, present depressive and/or anxiety related problems .

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Once these core problems get addressed, the symptom - disorder goes away.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer:

makes sense but at the same-time when nothing new event or change in life as well as stress level, makes me wonder

Customer:

except the issue i explained

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I would not recommend further use of "sensual massage therapists" nor of excessive porn as strateges to cope or rehabilitate from these problems.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Consider getting a complete medical exam to make sure you are physically fine, then if that;s the case, you would have certainty that this are psychogenic problems, then need psychological treatment. As stated before, most people, males presenting erectile or ejaculatory disorders do because of psycho-emotional issues like anxiety and depression and not because of other reasons, and most of them have no clue why or how such problems could happen to them, and it's because of what I just explained before.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is why I asked you about previous problems or if you presented high levels of anxiety. A complete and direct psychological assessment would allow you to get necessary support to find out what's happening and what you need to do around treatment to rehabilitate from these problems.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please do not delay getting necessary support, since the more time it takes for you to work on it, the more these problems could get reinforced out of anxiety and frustration, making it harder to overcome them.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Remember that the fact you have been able to have a healthy and fulfilling sexual life to this point means you can get back to it and enjoy even more of it once you get to work on the issues creating-fueling these disorders.

Customer:

Thanks for all information..... it doesn't allow me to rate below

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Please feel free to try rating support again, now it should work, I was trying to make sure you got my response first.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks,


 


Now I can see that somehow correct rating has reflected...


 


Recently I found improvements with shifting focus to stress relief from non-exist sexual-defect.... and I believe you was right that this is more of stress and lack of attention.


 


I do appreciate your help, Thank you very much to land me a listening ear and reflecting back to me.

Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.
You're very welcome. I am very glad to know it was this helpful, and truly hope you could experience further improvements working consistently on yourself.

Take gentle care,

Rafael

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