hope you are feeling better this week.
I realise now that I was way too hard on myself last week
good, mistakes are something we all make and it was obvious that whoever got annoyed, was annoyed at the situation, not you personally since they said they had made a mistake as well.
and it was like I almost "forgot" that I could only do what I could do and within the time given.
I just felt really bad that they felt annoyed that's all.
you got overwhelmed and old habits popped up because you were taking it personally.
You were too hard on yourself.
I realise that now and I know I shouldn't have been and to realise that now, well, it is a bit upsetting as I did allow everything to overwhelm me for a time.
I hadn't realised it at the time that I was being so hard on myself until you pointed it out. I mean I had an inkling but was too caught up in the situation at the time.
when I think about it now I see how it should all have been different.
That is why it is a good thing to listen to that "inkling", take a few deep breaths and tell yourself it will all work out and it's not personal.
I don't think I have been so hard on myself for awhile.
as long as you recognize it that is a step in right direction, can't worry about what it "should have" been
sometimes I can tell myself that things will work out but at others like that time, well, I guess it can be a sticking point.
I try to recognise it and move on.
not a sticking point, you don't hold it anymore, you say, okay and move on. :)
everything else going well?
as well as they can be at the moment. Well I know I don't have an interview for one of the posts I applied for
as interview date was this week.
I am still hunting and searching the very little that is out there.
you can always contact them and ask, use to at least respond to applicants and let them know, today, not always the case. You can always follow up on your own.
I know that I can get a couple of decent references though as I've checked all that out.
yes that's true. I used to do that, it has been quite awhile since I've looked for jobs until recently so forgot I could do that. Thanks :)
I had been feeling a bit down today but chatting has helped.
I was wondering
about going out and doing something nice at the weekend or seeing if I could meet a friend. Never really feels right after a bit of a "bad" time.
that is exactly why you should go out and have some fun....
I think I was feeling down from last week, just realised I hadn't clarified that.
why stay stuck in the "bad"
I don't know why I sometimes feel that I should be, never quite get that.
my folks will off on holiday soon so I should be looking forward to having the house to myself too.
that sounds nice ! you will get some alone time.
does that sound bad though that it's nice at times to have alone time?
Always feel a little guilty about that feeling, but then again yes it will be nice.
not at all, we all need alone time, it's healthy for you.
Did you have a nice Easter?
yes I did, it was very nice. Watching Call the Midwife and have Mr. Selfridge taped to watch another time.
Oh that's good.
I have many episodes recorded still to watch of Mr Selfridge. When it was on it clashed with something else.
Think there are 10 episodes of that.
Are you enjoying Call the Midwife?
I am glad that you have had the opportunity to watch those programmes anyway.
Can I ask one more question please?
I enjoy the era pieces and Midwife is good. Sure ask on.
this isn't it but kept meaning to tell you that a friend got me the first book of Call the Midwife written by Jennifer Worth whose experiences it's based on. I'll let you know if it's just as good reading it when I get round to it if you like.
good. I have to leave so if you have another question please leave it and I'll answer it later today. Didn't realize how late I am until I looked at clock!!! Talk soon
I know that you always say that chatting etc is okay and you don't mind, but I do sometimes (and I think this is something that runs in the family) wonder, do I ever annoy you or be a burden? I mean I hope not but sometimes I feel that I should be polite and check
Oh okay, thanks for chatting. I really appreciate it! Sounds like it's just as well you checked the clock. Hope you weren't late for anything.
I am glad that "chat" is working properly again.
Oh, best make it 2 questions, so to add to the one above: Do you think I do okay for my age?
oops, typo above, supposed to read I hope that you were not too late...
I feel that perhaps tomorrow before work I will try and do some of the other things that need doing. I am going to try and feel a bit more positive and less despondent and down and stop thinking silly thoughts. Probably shouldn't have asked if I ever annoy you because I know that you'll soon let me know if I did. I am having one of those days and that was quite a negative question to ask really wasn't it?
I have also been thinking a bit about confidence and growth, but I may need to leave that thought for another post as I need to think how to explain my thought properly, assuming you are not offended by what I have asked you. You see, I do trust you a lot. You see, my mum always hopes she isn't a burden to doctors and the like as well so I feel perhaps I ought to ask. The same if I go and see a GP I hope I am not a burden on them. Anyway I hope that you are not offended by my asking and that we can continue to chat to each other because it helps a lot.
Oh and my question was not a reaction to you having to go by the way. I completely understand that and completely fine with that. Like I say, I hope you weren't too late.
I would like to say that I feel better than I did yesterday. I can also now see your point even more so that for the work situation I took it way too personally.
I followed up as you suggested on that job. There were, as with many positions, lots of candidates and those with interviews had stronger skills and experience. My thinking is, if I didn't try I would never have known. I have since been working on an application for another. I am feeling a bit better after chatting to you. I do hope that we can continue to talk and that you still do not mind helping me. I sometimes think back to being told that to ask for support in anything I do as being a negative thing, I know that not true but it does cloud some of my thoughts at times and I know that somehow I need to find a way of getting completely away from those thoughts because they lead to insecurity and self-doubt. I know you've said before that you don't but that was awhile ago now, so just thought it polite to check as I don't want to become a burden or annoying. I don't know why but sometimes I really worry that I might become annoying, not just to you but to anyone who I seek things from, GPs, dentists and I know fine well that 1. it's their job and 2. like you, are happy to help. That's self-esteem isn't it? Why do you suppose old thoughts creep in at times. Is it because it is all a process and anything to do with thoughts and making progress take time?
I realise that some of what I have just written is similar to the above, but I think it may sound better.
I hope you have a good weekend. I have plans and also planned some time to just be alone and enjoy the peace and quiet that will soon descend on the house.
I am glad you are feeling better than you had been earlier this week. Glad to hear you followed up on the job application, it always helps to let them know you are interested, whether the job "fits" you or not.
Yes to your question, in part, it's self esteem but from what you wrote about your mother having the same "burdened" feeling about doctors, it's partially a "learned" behavior.
Besides being genetically connected your parents are also your first role models, so children tend to have some of the same tendencies , if your mum was a worrier chances are higher you would be too. Between the genetics and behaviors it's who you are, not a bad thing but one where you, as an adult can decide to change your behaviors, can't change your genes.
Also old habits are not that easy to break, it takes a conscious effort to stop them from taking over, you say creeping back in, that's because you recognize what it is and make effort to change the thoughts, most times you are successful and it does take time and can be two steps forward and one step back. You are doing fine though.