Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online
Hello! I am hoping to be of some assistance to you here today... first, I am so sorry that you feel so stuck in the middle of such a complicated situation.
It sounds as if you feel some regret over the way things have worked out and that the girls are still quite defensive. Trust has been dissolved and the truth is nowhere to be found. This has got to feel like a bad dream, no doubt, in which you are completely powerless to change the situation. What may help is looking for ways to regain your power, and to come to grips with what happened, while creating a vision for what you'd like to see happen and then strategize about how you can possibly get there. Or, to be able to accept that it may be some time before you can.
Feeling powerless is uncomfortable... yet you still have power over how you see this situation. It isn't permanent, although it may feel like it is. Your girls have a lot of growing up and experience to gain yet, and time may be the best healer in this case. I wonder; would you be able to write your regrets, apologies... and express to them all in the same letter just how much you love and care about them, and that you will always be ready and waiting for them to reach out and work it through, but that you will respect them and wait for them to make the next move? And then, just know that you have reached out and communicated honestly in writing, and that now it is time to put that behind you and work on finding your own peace and look towards designing your own future?
The thing about young kids is that when we give them space, entrust them with your belief that they are capable of making good choices and then just step back, it gives them time to think and in most cases, they then step towards us again. If we pursue them, they sometimes back away. Not always, but sometimes. And, this can be your time to focus on you and getting yourself strong again. What would give you pleasure? What have you always wanted to do with your life?
Make amends where you can, express your regrets, make any apologies you feel you need to, and then let them sit with those you have given them to. Expect nothing, but hope for the best. Stay open to the possibility that time will pass and they will start to understand better what has happened. Leave your heart open and trust that things in life are fluid; change is inevitable. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Honesty and truth can clear your conscience, but we cannot control anyone else except ourselves. You can only do what you are comfortable doing, and the rest is up to them.
I hope you can begin to release some of this burden and look ahead with confidence that you can express yourself to them now, and that this will pass in time. I will check back to see if you have anything else you'd like to ask, and I thank you for using the site. I wish you all the very best!