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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5420
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My wife and I found out yesterday that we are having a boy.

Resolved Question:

My wife and I found out yesterday that we are having a boy. My wife is very disappointed that we are having a boy. She really wanted a girl. I tried to be supportive last night but it seemed like she was inconsolable. I told her that we should be thankful we can have kids as some couples are unable to conceive. And I told her that we have a healthy baby, so that's great. We ended up arguing and she had trouble sleeping. I told her I was excited regardless of gender. How can I be more supportive of my wife and help resolve this sadness she has? I don't like her being upset. We tried to conceive for 2 years and went to a fertility clinic, so I feel so happy we are having a baby.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like your wife might have either had a preconceived idea in her mind about what sex the baby might be or she has some issues from her background about males that are unresolved. She could also feel that she cannot connect as well to a boy child as she would a girl child. Along with all of the ups and downs you both have been through to have this child, she may feel overly emotional about her disappointment.

It would help to talk to your wife about why she feels so disappointed that the child is a boy. If she is able to talk her feelings through, she may find the root of why she feels the way she does and be able to resolve it.

You may also want to point out that mothers can be very close to their male children as much as their female children. Often, women who are lonely for female companionship might see having a girl as an opportunity to bond in a special way. If your wife feels that way, she could be under the impression that having a boy would deprive her of that experience. But if you talk to her about how much she can bond with a boy, she may see the benefits.

Try to let your wife vent her feelings without commenting on whether or not they are valid. Having a chance to just be heard can help her recognize her own feelings and cope with them better.

Keep in mind that once the child is born, your wife will most likely bond with him and most likely not feel the same way as she does now. A baby that you do not see yet can be easy to put feelings on to, but once the child is there, the need to bond can be intense.

If your wife's feelings persist, she might want to talk to a counselor just to work through what she feels, particularly if it is a deeper issue from her past. Talking it through before the baby is born can help her feel better about bonding with him once he is here.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thank you for the great information! I think she thought for so long that it was a girl and then to find out it was a boy must be very tough for her. So, I can understand that she feels that way. If we decide to have another child, then I'd rather have us find out at birth. Then again, she's going to be a great Mom and I know she'll love having our baby boy. I suppose I shouldn't worry about the next baby anyway?

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome! I am happy to help.

At this point, it helps to focus on why your wife feels as she does and helping her work through it. So if the next baby is another boy, she will have addressed her feelings and be able to see it from a different perspective. But I think once she sees how much she loves this child, she may feel better and the next child's sex will not be as much of an issue, if at all.

By the way, congratulations!

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5420
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks!

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome! Take care!

Kate

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