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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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my husband has no desire for sex anymore its not testosterone

Resolved Question:

my husband has no desire for sex anymore its not testosterone we had that checked out, nothing physical. what do we need to do now it is a huge strain on our marriage
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry to know about this concerning problem.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me for how long have you been married and how long ago did this lack of sexual libido start?

Customer:

6 months it started 2 months in

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then you have just started your life together. Do you have any idea about any stressors, problem or circumstance happening by the time this problem started that you could associate with it?

Customer:

no none

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Personal, marital , financial or any type of issue affecting him-you? has your relationship at all other levels be fine and fulfilling?

Customer:

yes

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Did this change arise gradually or just appeared one day out without previous alert?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Is this the first time in his life that he experiences this problem?

Customer:

gradually

Customer:

no he says he was different in other relationships

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you tell me more about this "differences"?

Customer:

he used to look at porn doesn't anymore

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You mean he used to do that in past relationships but not since he started dating you?

Customer:

not since we aren't married

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does he masturbate and has any problem maintaining erections and achieving orgasm?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, and you know for how long he used to use porn before you got married?

Customer:

no masterbatition, no problem with erections or achieveing orgasm

Customer:

no general porn nothing out there

Customer:

he doesn't materbate

Customer:

when I initiate no problem

Customer:

he doesn't initate

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You mean it was or was not common for him to use porn before you got married?

Customer:

it was common him stopping is not normal

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do you see him trying, taking initiatives or making an effort to work on bringing romance romance and passion in your marriage?

Customer:

no

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see. I asked all these questions because a common problem men could experience is developing a compulsive or addictive pattern to porn, or to make their libido and sexual arousal very dependent on the use or pornography, thus when they stop it, it could deeply impact their personal experiences, from libido to performance.

Customer:

its not that I am an RN and I have looked at it from all angles

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then if his behavior does not show his interest and efforts to make changes in order to take good care of your marital life, that clearly shows that he has a psychological problem undermining the role he plays in your relationship. The doctors have confirmed that he is totally fine at the physical level, then it is at the psycho-emotional level where he must focus his attention and work.

Customer:

exactly but how

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sex life is one of the most vulnerable areas impacted by mood,mental and relationships challenges - problems. You do not know why this is happening but you know he is not making an effort to make it change, once you are the one taking initiatives and not him.

Customer:

talking to him now on phone

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

He doesn't need a medical doctor but a psychotherapist to work on the personal issues leading to this lack of libido and the marital problem.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

OK

Customer:

he stopped taking his triglyceride meds

Customer:

and a bp

Customer:

he has been doing stuff on his own without telling me trying to figure it out

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If you have not changed from the beginning of your marriage but keep taking initiatives to help him and keep your sex life fine, but he remains this passive for the past months,then he needs to start looking for professional support in order to work on finding out what's the problem, develop necessary skills to better cope with it and taking consistent actions in order to promote changes.

Customer:

thank you

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

First he needs to work on himself at the personal level with psychotherapeutic support, then from here, marriage counseling focused on this issue would be beneficial supporting you to work as a team to create these necessary changes.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. The work he needs to do, does not seem to be about anything physical but psychological, that's why the sooner he gets adequate professional support, the better.

Customer:

do you recommend anyone here in Chesapeake or Virginia beach

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am sorry by I do not know any professional in that area. You could check Psychologytoday.com in order to find professionals with expertise offering services at your location.

Customer:

thnk you

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. Please feel free to contact me for any further support in case you have any other question.

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Rafael M.T.Therapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Director / Psychotherapist
1851 Satisfied Customers
MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach