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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My love life, past and my life

Resolved Question:

Hello, I'm Amani and I'm 21 years old. I'm in relationship for a while now. My heart it keep beating because of fear. I'm fear that the past and the present are in the same stories. I mean I might losing my man. Every time I try to fall in love and I give my very best, XXXXX XXXXX end every man leaves me without any reason. I feel all these years I'm stuck in the same situation. Now, I can't feel the love the way I used to. Even I can't say I love you to my boyfriend. I feel heartless. Help me, I don't want to be stuck in the same   situation again. I'm lack of dicipline, lazy and afraid to face the reality such as working, love and my own life. It hard for me to make a decision I don't why but there is something blocking my choices. I can't make any plans at all. I want to be the girl I  used to, a girl doesn't afraid of anything and accomplished. why I'm hard time to make any changes and thinking my past?

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like the issue here is the type of men you are with rather than something wrong with you. Sometimes you can be attracted to the same kind of person over and over, someone who is not trustworthy or who is selfish. These patterns of who you pick as a boyfriend might be caused by your past and how your relationships were with your family. For example, if you had a father or mother that was selfish, you became used to people thinking of themselves and not you. So you may grow up to be attracted to men who are selfish because that is what you know and understand. That does not mean there is anything wrong with you, it just indicates how you were raised.

It may help you to know more about healthy relationships. Relationships are supposed to be a give and take. Both people commit to each other and care for the others' feelings. The more you can learn how healthy relationships work, the easier it will be for you to know when your relationship is worth the risk. Here are some resources to help you:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/50-characteristics-healthy-relationships

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/06/27/are-you-in-a-healthy-relationship/

Also, try going slow in your relationships. You don't have to tell your boyfriend you love him until he shows signs of being committed to you. And be sure you feel you are in a relationship that has give and take. It is easy to make the mistake of giving everything you have to someone who doesn't care and doesn't return your feelings. Try giving a little at a time until you see if your boyfriend is doing the same with you. You should feel loved and cared about. If you do not or there is abuse, it may be time for you to leave to find a new relationship that feels good to you. This will help you learn how to trust again.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5469
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
This resource may help you as well:

http://www.wespsych.com/relship.html

Kate





May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!

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