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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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I am abusive to my husband and self OKMH48211

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I am abusive to my husband and self centered and jeolous of his sister going through breast cancer. I dont know how to fix it I am a LVN and have everything I could ask for. He works all day but doesn't understand me.I am not always abusive only sometimes when he threatens me that I will have to move out of our house. This is our house together, I will not move nor give up on my marriage I just need suggestions controlling my anger. He knows how to push all my buttons.

Hi there
Thank you for writing in here.
It sounds like you may have trouble managing anger or you and your husband may have marital problems to work on.
Let me ask you a question first.
Are you or your husband open to counseling (individual and/or marriage therapy)?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I would like to go, but I am pretty sure he will not go. We have been together for 5 years but he finally married me 4 months ago. I wanted it to be special but we did not have a wedding or reception, we just got married at the court house. He did not even tell anyone unless they asked. He says it's non of their business and that everyone knows I'm with you. We are conplete opposites, he is an extrovert and I am an intrprovert. He likes to be busy all the time and I do not. When we get into fights we are both stubborn neither will back down. So it turns violent the last two times. The first of the last two times he called his mother and she called the cops. Then this last time I called the cops. I feel no one should be in our business but he always likes to call both of our parents. Now I am 27 and he is 42 We are way to old to be doing this. We do not know how to forgive, forget, and move on.

Hi there
Thanks for your reply.
I" ll be back with my answer today.
Hi there,
Thank you for waiting.
Okay. Your husband may not go to counseling.
Well, are you open to your counseling?
You mentioned that you are abusive to your husband at times.
Perhaps, you may work on your anger issues.

You are aware of your anger problem.
You may learn about anger management and assertiveness communication skills.

You may practice anger management - for example, when you get angry and want to yell at him, tell yourself "Stop, listen and Think. You can talk about your anger and frustration. But no yelling or verbally attacking him." Also, when you get angry and want to yell at him, you may breathe deeply and count 1 to 10 to calm down first and may leave the place where you face him.

The book "The Relaxation & Stress Reduction workbook" by Dr.Davis et al. may be helpful for you to learn assertiveness communication and anger management skills.

Also, you may benefit from working with a psychologist WEEKLY for 6 months or longer.
You may benefit from having Anger management counseling or Cognitive-Behavior therapy (CBT).
You can call your insurance company and get a list of providers in your area.
Or, you can search a licensed psychotherapist or a counselor on internet- such as the PSYCHOLOGY TODAY website. Go to ( and enter your zip code and optional category of specialty such as Anger management. Read psychotherapists’ profile to see if he or she specializes in Anger management counseling or Cognitive-Behavior therapy (CBT).
You may also want to create your mental image of psychotherapist that you want to work with – Male or female? Old or young? To note, many therapists offer initial consultation for free. So you can see it as an informational meeting. You and he can ask any question. You can also negotiate psychotherapy fee and number of sessions.
If you need a low fee counseling or have no health insurance, you may call The United Way toll free # XXXXX (Dial 2-1-1)to find the community mental health centers in your area in which you can get counseling even without health insurance.

I hope you can manage your anger better with available help.

Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,
Dr. Olsen and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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