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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience:  MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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I have been caring for my neighbors 3 yr old since the day

Resolved Question:

I have been caring for my neighbors 3 yr old since the day he was born. Very much in love, like he was my own. His mother and i have had issues in the past and recently she threatened to remove him from my care and I came out and asked, "Is that a treat?" She said YES! Also told me, "No, matter what, you will not care for him next year! So, being very upset at her 'using' him, I told her that 'fine, today is his last day". Anyway, I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX a big way. She said she accepted it, but found him someone else to care for him and that she would appreciate "not seeing" him till he adjusts.

Since then, they have kept him 'secluded' in the home with no outside activities. I am just devastated and worry about him constantly. There is a very strong bond between him and I and don't feel, again, that she has made a 'good' decision.

How do you feel this decision of his parents will affect him emotionally? I have a pretty good idea, but need your opinion.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Rafael M.T.Therapist replied 1 year ago.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this overwhelming situation in your life.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is very painful to face a situation like this the way you do, only you know how hard it is, but it is real and this child's parents are the ones who have full control of it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You are right, children develop real bonding to care givers during first months - year of life, and if good attachment develops for further years, it becomes a very healthy, fulfilling and powerful presence and influence int he child's life.

Customer:

I know, it's just so very sad to be sooo close and to watch everyday! Do I just stay away or should I request a visit?

Customer:

Yes, I cared for another child yrs ago, he's 15 now and found me on facebook and told me he thinks of me often!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Here there is no doubt about what the ideal scenario would be, but it is about what his parents are willing or not to allow. You can take all the initiatives you want, hoping for the best, XXXXX XXXXX will continue to decide if they allow it or not. the best you can do is to try and see if they are open to it.

Customer:

I believe they feel that the "out of sight, out of mind" theory will work! They have closed all drapes, all shutters, and are keep their glass door closed. He LOVES being outside and they are not allowing it. It's just so hard to watch. So sad, but I understand THEY ARE the parents, their decisions.......

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Sure, when deep and healthy bonding and attachment develop, people play a powerful impact in each others' lives, and in situations like yours, it could be very frustrating to find yourself not having the closeness you used to because of parents' decision or other changes leading to the end of such close relationship.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is very sad and frustrating, but as painful as it sounds, reality is that they are the ones with the power to choose how they raise their children, even when their decisions could not be the healthiest and wisest ones.

Customer:

I also worry...because she drinks every night. I worry, I worry!! There was one episode, I heard a huge, loud argument, so I walked over and was told "I pushed him, the child, a little too hard! I was livid. The husband is, well, has no balls!!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You truly care and that's why you feel the way you feel.

Customer:

I do care and love him deeply. I wish I could have formed a better relationship with the parents, tried, tried and tried! She always treated me as an "employee", never a friend! Just so sad!

Customer:

Rafael, I knew what you were going to say, I was praying there was more I could do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks though!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Children do totally depend on parents, whether they happen to be more or less healthy. If she has personal issues or problems with alcohol, sure that could easily lead to neglectful behavior, but they both are responsible for him. We all are allowed and could file report to social services or police if we suspect a child is being neglected or abused, just be aware of how beneficial it would truly be for the child, and all the consequences, positive or negative it would create.

Customer:

I know..........................neglected no, abused, don't think so but that one incident. Verbally...maybe when drinking! ????

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Unhappily there is nothing more anybody could do, but to take good care of yourself while avoiding pushing them, since they current behaviors limiting that much their child activities are, as you said, a reaction -retaliation to what happened between you. Thus I believe that once they perceive you respect their decision, they would not react that dysfunctionally.

Customer:

Thanks again, I will sign off now!

Customer:

Will do my best and pray that it's all in God's hand now!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Unless there are concrete reasons to suspect serious neglect or abuse, social services or police would not further intervene. If she has a drinking problem, i could lead to abuse or neglect, no way to know, it would all depends on their personal and marital and parenting issues. Unhappily you cannot play a close role in this child's life anymore, and that's very painful, you are grieving the loss, and need to work on healing from it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I support you.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thank you for your trust. take gentle care.

Customer:

Thanks to you too!

Rafael M.T.Therapist, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3189
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
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Rafael M.T.Therapist
Rafael M.T.Therapist
Mental Health Professional
3189 Satisfied Customers
MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach