Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how frustrating, overwhelming, and even scary this situation must be for you. You have been very thorough with the information you've given me about what's going on and that's very good. Thank you for that.
Clearly, the situation has indeed gotten beyond self-help books and solutions. That is clear from the symptoms your report. You are getting relief from self-medicating with marijuana. That indicates that there is a strong anxiety component to the problem. It doesn't, however, tell us what the root disorder or disorders are. OCD is an anxiety disorder and I've seen people get relief from marijuana in the past with OCD as it releases the "lock" the brain gets into with the obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors.
From what you write, however, there is also a possible ADHD component to this. And you need to know that OCD and ADHD are often present together. In other words, there is a possibility that you are suffering from both of these disorders. And this would certainly account for the longevity of the symptoms. You've been compensating for this for a long time and you're thus very capable and intelligent to be able to have gone this long without getting treatment.
Even though you are so capable it really requires assessment, evaluation and treatment to get real, long term relief. The marijuana, even were it legal, only gives you the anxiety relief but not the actual treatment of the disorder(s). That's my concern for you.
At your age, I would very much like to see you have a diagnostic evaluation from someone who's very expert in these disorders, both OCD and ADHD in adults. This would be both a psychiatric and a psychological assessment/evaluation. If there is a university hospital in your area, the psychiatric department there may have the best doctors, so that's one place to look.
Another way to approach this, though, is to have a conference with your doctor specifically about these symptoms and the possible disorders we've identified. The discussion should focus on who in your area is the top psychologist in evaluation and treatment of these anxiety disorders in adults. That part is very important. There are a number of teams that work with children in metro areas. But you need someone who is expert with adults. Your doctor, then, might need to do some calling around to find out who is/are the top people in your area. That's what I would like to see most because, again, the symptoms are severe and they've been going on for a long time, which means that treatment needs to reflect this.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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