How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5417
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I live in Tokyo... I think I am addicted to sex and am very

Resolved Question:

I live in Tokyo... I think I am addicted to sex and am very seriously looking for help. I have taken several surveys online and all signs point to I have an Issue. I am conflicted inside. I know I need to change... but at the same time I don't know how to...
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

Anytime you feel you have little to no control over your own behavior, it can be distressing. On the one hand you want to stop, but on the other you derive pleasure from what you are doing and stopping seems like an overwhelming concept. But there are ways you can address your addiction.

The steps to dealing with sex addiction include:

One, realizing that you have a problem. With any addiction, breaking through denial is the first step to overcoming addiction. And this is true for sex addiction as well. Sex is part of life and very integrated in society so realizing that it has become a problem can be difficult. But if your addiction is interrupting your relationships, making you ignore responsibilities or even affecting your health, it has become a problem. Seeing those signs and realizing that you need help is an important step.

Two, getting support. You cannot do this alone. Trying alone is an option, but without support, it is easy to fail. Therapy is a great place to start. Talking to a therapist can help you see why you have this addiction and ways you can alter your behavior. Insight is also important. Once you know that you have a problem and what to do, it is hard to go back to ignoring the problem. Also, include friends, family or a sponsor in helping you stop. Make yourself accountable to them. If you have someone asking you about your problem, then it is harder to deceive yourself or lie about it to avoid facing your problem.

Three, changing your behavior. It is important to recognize all the ways that sex addiction has affected how you behave with others and with yourself. Find out what your triggers are. Do you feel lonely and that is why you have sex? Are you using the sex to cope with your feelings? Low self esteem, depression, anxiety and other issues can drive your need to avoid life and keep returning to sex to answer how you feel. In order to cope with these behaviors, along with getting help, try writing out how you feel when you want to have sex. Link the feelings with the need and find new ways to address how you feel. Find new things to do and ways to distract yourself. List some activities you are willing to do instead. Challenge yourself and go outside of your comfort zone. Have friends and family call talk with you. Anything you feel would work to distract you.

Seek help on line and in person. Here are some resource to help:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2006/what-is-sexual-addiction/

http://saa-recovery.org/

I hope this has helped,
Kate







May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

The things you have told me I am aware of already...


 


I cannot tell anyone because it will destroy my marriage and break apart my family and get me excommunicated from my church...


 


I cant lose the one thing that truly matters to me which is why I fell so conflicted.


 


I am not depressed, sad or have negative feelings about myself. I am very positive and a forward thinker. I support and take good care of my wife and kids. I have become so numb to my sexual addiction I just hide it really well.


 


I recently had an STD... my wife has been gone for a week... I have slept with two different women... I just... I just don't know how to deal with this without losing them...


 


BUt at the same time enjoy my flings so much... I have read all the articles and things online... done several surveys. followed those 12 steps... I just can't break loose of this habit.


 


Where can I go to in TOkyo.... all the doctors speak japanese... having a mistress is practically part of the culture here...


 


I just want a direction to go... I am unable to find a way out... i relapse...

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
I understand that you struggle. That is the nature of an addiction. But what is good is that you are questioning what you are doing and you are seeking help. Both are very positive and mean that you have a chance to overcome your addiction.

Here are resources to help you find an English speaking therapist:

http://www.japanpsychiatrist.com/

http://www.counseling-in-tokyo.com/

Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5417
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education