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. I'm in my late 50's. I have ptsd from childhood sexual and physical childhood abuse. Most of the memories of those abuses were suppressed until I was 45. Then all hell broke loose. I had never told anyone about the abuse and one night I had a little too much to drink and told my best friend. Telling it open a Pandora box that I can't close. I have tried suicide three times and was on a ventilator for days and should of died then. But I hsve failed three times. My therapist of ten years sent me to a clinic in Houston for my addition with xanax.and suicidal tendency. I spent six weeks in this total nut house and gave them nothing. I wouldn't share my nightmare. I just couldn't. I lied and said nothing happen and I didn't have ptsd. They said yes you do have ptsd and sent me to lecture classes all day long. I was locked up... afraid to tell what was going on for fear that I would be locked up for life. I've been seeing a new therapies for a year this Easter. I'm still not getting any better. I'm so isolated it causes depression. I was once very extroverted and the life of the party and now I just hide and hurt. Last week I found out my 32year old son has cancer. After the operation he will need six months of chemotherapy. Its a six hour drive to his house and he sure could use my help. But most the time I just set unable to go places anymore. Just the grocery store is unbearable. I want to help him. I want to be thete for him and help with the three young children. But the children trigger me and reminds me of when I was that age..... I am of no use to anybody and to not beable to help I jyst wish I was dead. I can't function. I hate me. My sons need me. But I feel helpless. My story is complex and very private. I'm the wife of a preacher and that not working rewell. I have to hide so much. I want to be there for my three sons and their families but I'm stuck. I need help. Private help. Would be willing to pay for someone to help me but it would have to stay private. I physically hurt and I'm failing my son.
Optional Information: Person's Gender: FemalePerson's Age: 57Please describe any diagnosed conditions here: Ptsd Suicial tendences Diabetes Depression