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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5460
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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My husband has latched ontoOKMH0329503

Resolved Question:

My husband has latched onto the idea that I have a personality disorder. He thinks that it would explain why I had an affair four years ago and the arguments that we have. We do have alot of difficulty communicating and we argue alot. He says everything is an argument with me. He searched the term how could someone be so cold and callous on the internet and this stuff about disorders comes up. Yes I lied when I was having an affair. However he is the only person I have a difficult relationship with. Alot of people regard me as a very kind person. He thinks that I have learned how to act as to hide my disorder. I am a good and attentive mother and have no problems in my relationship with them. He also says that my friends wouldn't tell me if they did think there was something wrong with me. He also says that my thinking doesn't ligneous up withothers. Wouldn't I have alot of difficulties with many people? He thinks I am a manipulator, but im not. I feel very misunderstood. Could he be right? Or perhaps I am being emotionally toyed with? Could there be something wrong with me? My friends tell me im fine and that there us nothing wrong with me. But why does he think so?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It is possible that your husband is saying these things to you because he is very hurt and doesn't know how to handle what he feels. He may blame you for the affair and is looking for a reason that you might have done what you did.

Putting some personality traits into a computer and going on the information you get is a very inaccurate way to figure out what is going on in your marriage. There are many factors as to why you had the affair and how your husband responded to it. And there are many issues to consider as to why you both continue to have difficulty getting along. Plus (I'm assuming) your husband does not have any special training in diagnosis or psychology so he may not be able to interpret that what he is reading is accurate or not. It would be similar to having chest pain, putting the information into the computer and if it says heart attack then you assume you are having one. There is no way to know for sure until a professional can verify the diagnosis.

The best way to know if there is a possibility that you have a personality disorder is to see a therapist. A therapist can do a full evaluation, consider all symptoms and issues involved and provide an accurate diagnosis, if there is one. If you are interested in doing this, then talk with your doctor about a referral. Or you can search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5460
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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