I'm 31 year old male. I'm about 5'6, weight around 132 pounds. Lately, I've been depressed. Mainly due to my place in the world; I haven't been able to establish myself in a profession. So much time has gone by, and I feel that I have waisted so much due to poor choices that I've made. Although I'm working towards my degree in the healthcare, it just sometimes seems hard to achieve, but I'm still fighthing because I do not want to give up. I live with my parents and the fact that they see me everyday in the house makes me depressed; sometimes, it's hard to look them at their eyes. Right now, I've been just going to school, I don't have a job. Of course, I'm struggling financially, and it really hurts because I see others, that are around my age, doing good...and I'm just still going to school, with barely any money. I'm blessed that I look really young. My typical day, I wake depressed, it's just hard to let go of the past...it's just a cloud over my head that doesn't go away, as the day progresses, I tend to feel better, but my low self esteem have taken a toll on me. I'm not happy about the person I've become. I struggle when it comes to make big desicions; I'm somewhat perfectionist. I want to be a strong man; mentally and physically, I just want to be happy with myself. I hold these thoughts to myself because it's hard to share these feelings, everybody thinks I'm fine, but the reality is that there is this pain inside me that devours me. I have a few good friends, but I just feel that I better hold these thoughts to myself because if if I do tell, I might be seen as weak, plus I don't want anyone to know these stuff. There's so many stuff to tell, but I guess I should see a mental professional. I just hope I find peace within myself and live a great life.
I would like to help you with your question. I'm sorry that you have felt so down on yourself and disappointed in your accomplishments thus far. I understand. Yes...looking around you are likely to see many people that have done better than you in life...but, as a psychologist of 30 years I need to tell you that there are just as many people in your same spot. Really.
Just like you, other men and women are going about life in quiet pain. Like you, they keep it to themselves and don't share it with others. Same reason as well - in that they don't want to look weak, unmanly, needy, and so forth.
Having said that, I do think you would benefit from seeing a counselor. I don't know if the school you attend has on-site counseling for students..that would be something to check out.
If they don't, then I can help you find a suitable therapist. Or provide a website that will give you a list of professionals in your area.
In addition, I want you to read: Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns. This best-selling book will be beneficial for you. I highly recommend it. It comes in paperback and is very inexpensive.
I need to tell you that you are not weak. You are human. Not everyone has life figured out at 31! And these days graduating from college is no guarantee of a job. Healthcare is a growing field...so you made a good choice there!
I await your reply.
Thank you for the prompt answer. I apologize for the delay to accept your response. I haven't had internet these few days.