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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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I lost my husband very suddenly a year OKMH326211

Customer Question

I lost my husband very suddenly a year ago this month~ after an autopsy was done~ which I also received the final report this month~he had a lot wrong with his heart and also cancer showed in his pelvic and bladder area~yet three months previous his tests were all good~I was devastated~ as he died basically right in front of me saying he felt dizzy~after rescueing my cat from water in our basement~I knew that I could not keep up our huge Victorian home alone~ it was on 6 acres~ we loved it and we had money~I had only one child ~ a son from a previous marriage and felt it sensible to move near him~I am not sorry I did~ as he helps me so much and I live in a gorgeous Condo~ I had to live with him for 6 weeks however while waiting for my condo to be ready~ and it was terrible there~his wife is Japanese and she said many cruel things to me and obviously did not want me there~it was in a different Province as well~ anyway I also faced high pressure eye problems and have been to Specialists and I am on eye drops now~ thankfully no damage is done yet to my optic nerves~ so any outings I have are for eye care thus far~ I do not drive yet~ as I am only used to Country driving and not City~I feel so lonely~ my son visits when he can and does all my errands and shopping~ his three young boys annoy me~this makes me feel guilty~ anyway a Professional Doctor put me on medication~I checked myself into a hospital in my former Province~ as I was exhausted from stress and lack of sleep~she transferred the prescription to my new province for a while yet~it is co Quietiapine and pms clonazepam and mylan-zopiclone~ at bedtime I take two 25 mg quietiapine along with the zopiclone and a clonazepam 1 mg~I fall asleep and seem to have pleasant dreams and sleep well~ I feel I need this now or I would not sleep at all~I have OCD ways I know~ anyway my family history has a lot of Bipolar ~ so these Doctors always say for me to NOT take an anti~ depressant~ as I might go too high~ right now I wish I would~some days I feel great and can function well~I notice since Easter is approaching and it is the Anniversary of the death I am feeling very tired ~I keep pushing myself anyway and keep my Condo spotless and make myself meals~the Doctor has me on one quietiapine in the morning and 1 and 1 half clonazepam and at noon only 1 and 1 half of the latter~plus a B12 pill~I did have a lot of anxiety and still do at times~in which case she says to take a half of the quietiapine twice a day~only if needed~I tend not to take this very often~I realize I have to find a Doctor here~ after my eyes get settled~ can you explain why some days I feel so drained and others not~ I maybe tend to stay in bed too long ~ as it passes the time in the so long days~I don't feel like socializing ~ I am 68 years old and it is hard to make friends at this age in a strange City~I had hired women to help me unpack and one stole from me~ so I had a bad beginning here ~ yet still feel I made the right decision~ I did so much so fast~ selling my home and moving within six months~I felt stronger back then than now~ I always enjoyed a drink of wine or whatever~ but apparently I should not on these pills???~is it the Holiday approaching that makes me feel worse right now or the year mark~I hate feeling so drained~ I would appreciate any advice you can give me~

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

My name is XXXXX XXXXX X am the moderator for this topic. I've been trying to find a Professional to assist you, but sometimes finding the right professional can take a little longer than expected, as the Professionals come online at varying times. I wonder whether you would like to continue waiting for an answer…hopefully it won’t take too much longer. Please let me know, and I will continue my search. If you’d prefer not to wait, please tell me, and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you!

Camille - Moderator

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi Camille~ I don't mind waiting for an answer~ as I do want a Professional to answer~ I am glad that you answered~ as I wondered to why it was taking so long~normally your answers come right in and I thought it was cancelled or did not go through~today I am feeling not as drained as when I wrote the message~so it can't be the pills~ I heard of Melotonin to aid sleep~ would this work with my medication ~ last night I went to bed earlier~ would that have helped make me feel better today~ although I woke up and could not go back to sleep on my mixture of meds for sleep~ this happens occasionally~I don't know why~Martha~

Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

Thank you ….hopefully it won’t take too much longer for me to find the right Professional for you! Please don't respond to this as it may prevent the Professionals from accessing your question. You will receive an email when your professional has responded. If you want to cancel, please let me know, and I will do that for you. Thank you for your continued patience.

Camille

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

I am sorry to hear about your husband and your difficulty with moving. You have suffered through a lot of changes in recently and because of it, a lot of loss. It sounds like you may have some continuing grief that you are dealing with along with symptoms from the diagnosis you have already. There are supports available as well as therapy to help you find ways to work through your grief and to help you feel better:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

Using wine with any drug is usually not a good idea. You may want to check with your doctor about combining the two. Alcohol can increase the drowsiness your feel already when taken with Quietiapine so it is not recommended.

Melotonin is a good supplement to consider if you are having difficulty sleeping. It is taken usually while you are lying down already because it's effects are fast acting and short lived. So it can help you fall asleep within a short period of time. It will not stay in your system, however, for a long time. And it usually has no side effects since it is a naturally occurring chemical already made in your body. Check with your doctor just to be sure it is ok to take this supplement.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks Kate~ My Doctor said a thimble full of Wine~ so I guess I knew already ~yet I wanted a second opinion~at supper time I have had no quietiavine since the Morning~ 25 mg~ 1 tablet~ does this medication help OCD in your opinion~I get scared when I read on the Internet how it is used to treat severe mental disorders ~also Bipolar~ which I was told I do not have~of course now there is Bipolar 2~ my Niece has this~as I said from reading up on the many Disorders for ages I seem to be more OCD~everything has to be Perfect~ plus I tend to annoy people by trying always to get things RIGHT~:-) I guess I wonder if fatigue also is caused from my grief~ I now live far from my famaliar surroundings and have only my son for a friend thus far and a helper~his wife turned out to be so jealous and does not bother with me and I get very lonely~I have a Persian cat~ which is suggested for company~I just miss my former home and husband so much~I shall try the site you suggested~I think Holidays are hard too for grief~like Easter coming up~ I just was concerned when I was feeling so drained yesterday~


 


I wonder what you feel about marijuana~it is legal here for medical reasons~ I found it helped me when I was living in my former home~my Doctor had no use for it at all and felt it would cause harm over time~I was getting it illegally back then of course~before my husband died~then I stopped~I do not think it is a good idea to take with the medication I am now on~ a person here made me a batch of brownies~ but I am afraid to mix the two~last question ~would Melotonin go with what I am taking now~ I guess I would not really need it~once in a while I wake up and can't get back to sleep~hopefully my sleep combo is still working or I may get immune to it??? I guess also I wonder what the Specialist meant~ just this last one ~I had four during my lifetime and each one said I was a Perfectionist~only that~this one said a grey area~ does she mean she does not know~ this time it was much different~ as I was also dealing with grief~ plus I was not sleeping~Thanks so much~Martha~

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
What medication helps you with OCD depends very much on what your medical history is and what your body will respond to. Medication is very individualized. Some people will respond well to the mediation and others will not respond. If you feel it is working for you, then it is ok to keep taking. It really doesn't matter what else it treats as long as you are benefiting from it.

Melotonin is a naturally occurring substance in your body so you can take anything with it and it will not interact.

The use of marijuana is pretty controversial. It is best to check with your doctor about using it in your situation.


Kate
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I agree~ I do not have a Doctor here yet~as I have been running about my eyes thus far~ it is hard for me to know if this is working that well~ as compared to marijuana it is not~ but I sometimes do not know what is a Disorder or just Grief~ if you get my meaning~the sleep one is really good and I am thus happy with that part~are you a Psychiartrist~as that is who I requested~what did she mean about a grey area~ as an example~

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
It is good that you are sleeping. It may be that you should get a new doctor so you can be evaluated to determine if what you are experiencing is part of your Bipolar or if it is part of grief. What you describe does sound like grief.

It is hard to tell what someone else means when they describe something without knowing the actual context of the conversation. A "gray area" could just mean that there is no definite answer to whatever the question is that is being asked.

I am not a psychiatrist but I do have 20 plus years of experience in the field.

Kate



May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

You mention my Bipolar~ as I said three Psychiartrists said I am NOT Bipolar~this last one said a grey area~ when I asked if I had a Mental Disorder~ but I was concerned when I saw quietiavine used for Bipolar~if I do not have that~I know that I have to find a Doctor here and yet Psychiatrists are hard to get an appt. with~I prefer them over a GP when dealing with one's brain~I saw my family members suffer too long using the advice of a GP~ Lithium is the prescribed medication that is best for Bipolar~ as an example~ my mother suffered for years not on the right medication from GP's~plus this last Doctor said that she did not want to prescribe an anti- depressant~ with a bipolar background~ not that I had it~ I could perhaps go to high~ right now I wish I could~:-)

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 1 year ago.
Many medications are used for multiple purposes. And the one you are taking is used for many different disorders. It matters how it affects the brain more than anything else.

It can be hard to find the right doctor or even get an appointment. This link may help you:

http://psychiatrists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php

Kate


Please do not forget to rate my service with an OK or higher. Thank you!
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5402
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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