Dear Dr. Keane, Still feeling the pressure as some is coming now a bit more directly from my parents off and on, but I keep trying to think more positively than what I was before our previous chat. Part of me is ready for something with more work hours. I am sure that I, to a certain extent hold myself back a bit as it is daunting to keep moving and looking forwards. I am sure to keep moving forward in life, that is part of what I need to do, to keep trying to change my situation. I know though that that isn't the answer to sorting out everything. It is actually more daunting than what I ever thought it would be. I have also started to look further afield, even though that would mean commuting quite a distance. I think the daunting feelings come from the unknown and the fact that I often have to look past the negative thoughts. I have to admit that having your support does help make life better. It does help me to try to push past some of the daunting feelings and just go for whatever position (within reason of course), perhaps one day I will be able to tell you of a new position. At the moment though I have temporarily got some extra hours to work in my current employment and have taken them up for that to cover someone’s holiday time. It really does help being able to talk to you and have your support. I believe it helps a huge amount as I try to make changes to my life. I can see how continuing to chat to you, apart from it always being a very pleasant experience, it also helps me to build confidence, even when it’s daunting, plus it is always really nice to chat to you as you are a very nice person after all. It isn’t looking like spring weather for quite awhile here. Today we had snow flurries fall amongst the flowers. It’s like the flowers and birds all know it is spring, but the weather has forgotten. Are you doing something nice at Easter? I am able to be on and off a bit today, but I am out all evening, but can be online much more on Wed your late morning and late afternoon if we don’t catch each other today, and if your schedule allows. If it doesn’t this week then I hope you have a really nice Easter and hope to be able to continue chatting to you, so I hope talk to you again soon.
sorry to have missed you, I am not going to be online much this week but will try to catch up with you.
Hi, thanks for letting me know. Hope all is okay with you. I will try to be online as much as I possibly can.
I'll try to be on your late morning and late afternoon.
I hope you are having a good week.
I think we are on very different schedules! Let me ask why you feel there is more direct pressure from your parents? Have they been direct what they say or are you feeling more sensitive to them and what they are planning?
with what they say...
sorry that we seem to be on very different schedules today and tomorrow is not looking too much better for me as after work I have a little bit of online time and then I have a long meeting...so on to answering your question
well they do say that whilst they are not going to be chucking me out they would like a time soon to come when I don't need to be living with them anymore and that that would make things a bit easier for them to be planning their move. Don't get me wrong, they do appreciate all the help and support I give to them in-between me having my own life and what I do contribute to the family is fine, apparently I can always be doing things better, but there can be appreciation shown at times. I do not think I am being overly sensitive. I have been getting on with what I need to do and I haven't confronted anyone, except had quite a quick chat to see how the land lay. They understand my prediciment. Where maybe I am a bit sensitive towards them is when they say that I am a good enough daughter, but I don't always feel it, but I think that sometimes stems from longer ago than this. The family isn't breaking down, I don't think, as much as we can still laugh and chat together. It does feel different, I don't know quite in what way, but it does, but then I am aware that could be my sensitivity. I did once ask about my brother and about if they were looking for him to move back out too (had to check to see if this was applying to him as well). I say move back out because he was for a very long time until he and his housemates went their separate ways and each of them got new jobs in different parts of the country. Well at least they are treating us both the same and hoping that we would both be able to move out soon. I too have once moved out, but that was only because I could with the guy who is now my ex-boyfriend, quite some time ago now.
Where some other sensitivities lie with me if I'm honest is that I do sometimes wonder if I did things differently in the past then perhaps my parents wouldn't be having to have these types of discussions and they could go right ahead and move to wherever. I mean, I had to move away from my ex, that was a certainty, but before that, and I was just thinking about this today that if I wasn't so clear and determined about what I was going to be doing in my younger days then I would have given myself more options and if I had more confidence (which I had not realised I was lacking so much in lots of years ago) I perhaps wouldn't have been shying away from things. I know that those are all suppositions, but it's a thought. I know part of the fault there lies with me because I used to (in my young naevity probably, but thought I was being quite smart at the time) plan how things might turn out. If I didn't ever do that then perhaps I wouldn't have any thoughts about big things in life.
Apart from all that I have written I am in quite a good mood today. I just thought that I should mention that as my post may seem a bit maudlin. Like I say, feeling in a decent mood :)
I hope you had a good day. I am quite tired now and so bed beckons.
Hi, I think we may still be on very different schedules today as well. It happens. Well, hopefully I have managed to answer the question you posed yesterday. I look forward to hearing from you. I have a long meeting tonight, so if we don't catch up with each other this time, have a good Easter and I will get your response as soon as I possibly can. Thank you for continuing to care and to continue to be writing and chatting back after all this time, it's really nice of you.
I have typed three responses and they are not going through hopefully this will . I have run out of time right now to do it again but will try later. I have technical support helping as it's not my computer....
Oh it has taken a long time for me to be able to get into this chat.
I was having many problems in doing so.
Seems like sometimes I can get into the chat and other's not, so perhaps it is not just your computer. I hope you are having a nice weekend. I appreciate that you tried so many times. Thanks.
okay I seem to be able to get in to this chat today, or at least at the moment I can. Hope it works for you too.
I mostly only seem to be able to get in and able to type if I restart my computer after having it has been off for awhile. It is the chat though that seems to pose a problem at times with this post, so not the fact you are using someone else's computer or anything like that. It is quite frustrating but hopefully it will work for you in one way or another.Don't worry if you do not get back to me today as it is Easter. I hope whatever you are doing that it is something nice.
Dr. Keane, so I am still interested in what it is you have been trying to type to me, if you have time of course. I hope you had a good Easter. I realised that yesterday I may have come across as being a bit selfish, which is why I said that it was fine if you couldn't reply yesterday. I am hoping that any other posts I post that the live chat works again. I look forward to what your reply would be.