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TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5781
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Hi, I am bipolar and possibly a bit manic right now - though

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Hi, I am bipolar and possibly a bit manic right now - though I feel pretty normal apart from when the subject of my hypomania (I think) is on my mind, which is a lot. I've just come through a high paced period of work, where a lot of deadlines were met and a great sense of achievement was acquired, so it's understandable that my self-esteem (usually pretty low, but rising slowly) would be higher than usual.

Our team, including my boss, took an overnight trip to mark the end to our busy patch and I spent a lot of time, not deliberately, just by chance, in his company. I am concerned/perplexed/kinda freaked out because a number of our conversational exchanges were impossible to describe as anything other than "connected" or "intuitive" in a DEFINITELY active way from his side, not just from mine (I've always thought he's cool, but he's married). If I try to actually define my question for you, I have a bit of difficulty. I guess it is whether a hypomanic person (like I possibly might be) can cause the "subject" to behave in a way that makes it look like they are feeling the same way. ??? Now I have surely made myself sound like a certified case of hypomania but my head is wrecked because if this is a delusion, it is horribly, horribly powerful and the thought of that much of an interference with my reason really upsets me.
Please help, thank you,
Emma
Hello Emma, I'd like to help you with your question.

It is possible for you to have connected with your boss on a certain level. You both just went through a very stressful time and this was probably the first time you had a chance to talk on a more personal level. That would create the connection you felt. And it could be that your boss felt your energy and was influenced to match it. While that could have been caused by the level of energy you had because of the hypomania, it is also very common for people who have a lot in common to match each other in conversation and other minute body language. It happens mostly when the two are close in personality and have similar shared experiences. For example, if you have ever had a friend that you liked a lot and you picked up a behavior or saying he or she is fond of. As people we learn from others and pick up behaviors sometimes without knowing it.

It is easy to feel that you came across stronger than you probably really did. Most people see their own behavior as more influential than it really is most of the time. It's very common to be self critical and to analyze conversations you have with others, sometimes over and over, to be sure you came across the way you wished to.

If your boss felt there was more to your behavior and conversation than needed to be, he probably dismissed it to the stress you have been under or just your excitement over having a break. Most people will explain behavior from someone else using the easiest and less harmful explanation as possible. Next time you see your boss, be a bit more reserved if that helps. But I'm sure he thought nothing of it except how much you both had in common and the fun you had together.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate



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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you Kate.


I will definitely try to be more reserved next time I see him. If this hypomania stuff can cause responses in others, then it, sadly seems to trivialise that "special connection" feeling a bit. If a delusion can create a connection, then is it ever real? Who knows.


Best wishes,


Emma (actually Sarah)

Sarah,

It can actually be a good thing to connection on any level. It means you are compatible in some way and it can be a basis for a great relationship! And even if it's caused by the hypomania, that is no different than any other personality traits people connect over. For example, people who have common goals or are shy often connect. Or someone can connect over negative traits. As long as you are connecting, it's a good thing.

Take care,
Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks Kate,
I've just realized that I was using the word hypomanic instead of "erotomanic" all through our communication so far, but maybe you knew that's what I meant, or that even "hypomanic" implied erotomania as a part of it.
Erotomania is what I am specifically asking about, but I think your response would possibly have been the same if I'd correctly mentioned "erotomania" instead.
If erotomania of one causes responsive behavior in another, is it still a delusion? My head is spinning.
Sorry for the delay in this response coming, I had family dinner that I had to attend.
Thank you for your help,
Sarah
No it is not a delusion if the other person responds to your behavior in the same manner. While you may have reasons why you are responding the way you are to someone, it cannot cause them to respond the same way unless they wish to.

Kate
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you Kate, you have made me feel significantly less crazy.
I can't afford to pay twice (i'm an intern), so I won't take up any more of your time, but I will recommend this service/website to the people in my life, that I talk about such things to (the erotomania's not something I've been sharing, but psychological help is something that does come up from time to time).
Thank you again, sending you much positive energy,
Sarah
You're welcome! I'm glad I could help. I appreciate you recommending Just Answer to the people you know. And anytime you need anything and wish to speak to me just put "Kate" in front of your new question and I will answer.

Take care,

Kate

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