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I'm 47.mother of 6 yr old twins, engaged to a man 10 yrs younger. He says I'm angry all the time. I admit that sometimes I'm fed up and get mad when the kids don't listen or I feel that I am carrying this whole show. I get mad too because I'm constantly criticized and told I'm not right in some respect to other's expectations. I'm too loud, too blunt, too sharp, too sad, too.... whatever. I'm not happy with my life I guess. He says I'm bi-polar. My girlfriend thinks my hormones are out of whack. All I knnow is that I'm trying to be happy, but a lot of things make me unhappy and frustrated. I really don't know what to do. Can you help?
I would like to help you with your question.
After reading your post I have got to say that you sound about as normal as they come! Who wouldn't feel tired and irritable after parenting 6 year old twins for a day! Really.
Then...add to that...the criticism and put-downs. How the heck are you supposed to feel good about yourself, feel full of energy and zest for life when you get beaten down, are unappreciated, and get labeled bi-polar!
At 47, yes...your could be peri-menopausal. I would encourage you to see your ob/gyn asap and get tested. Then at least you will know if that is a contributing factor to some of your symptoms.
So...let's look at some of the things you can do to change your life around. The first order of business is that ob/gyn appointment. The second is to get into couple counseling! If he isn't willing, then consider individual therapy. You need the opportunity to get the support of an outside professional, learn how the two of you can communicate in ways that don't damage your self-esteem, and how to repair the wounds that have already been created.
I would like to suggest a few things to read:
Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns
Secrets, Lies and Betrayals by Maggie Scarf
I also want you to sit down and write out a list of things that bring you comfort and give you the sense of being cared about. Then...I want you to do one of those things each day.
With your kids, I want you to get the following book and also check out the following website:
Parenting with Love and Logic by Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay
I see you are in chat. I will wait for you to respond.
I am here, but trying to get dinner on the table after having an irrate day with the spouse. I figure if I feed everyone with a smile on my face there won't be any discourse at the dinner table. Don't know what else to do right now. Keeping the peace. So I can't chat.... unless you are going to be on here after 30 - 45 min. :-) Thanks for the supportive words. Can't say I feel too much of that right now and it is like gold.
Yes...I will be here over the next few hours.
Enjoy dinner! LOL to the smile on your face!
Hey Dr. L.... I'mhere, are you?
Ooops, i see it says that you are offline. Gee, that's too bad. I'm going to stay on for a bit more and see if you come back. :-)
oh well, guess you had other things going on this evening. I've never been on this site, or chatted with a professional online, so I'm not certain how this goes, but I would like to speak with you ffor longer than 2 paragraphs, if possible. I'm going to leave this page up for a few more hours (but I'll be sleeping probably) and see if you can respond to tell me how we can talk again. Thanks again.
I'm sorry I was unexpectedly detained.
I am online now, but will only be here for a bit longer.
We can arrange to chat at a particular time, or I can log on to your question and you will automatically be notified that I am online. The opposite is true as well...you can long on to this page and I will be notified that you are available.
Tomorrow, I will be away all morning, but will long on in the early afternoon. I will look for you then.
Yes...we can chat for more than 2 paragraphs!!!
Thanks for the response. I am online currently, but see that you are not available. I will try again later and hopefully we can hook up. :-)
I am online now. I will be around for several hours and will see if you come online.
Hey Dr. L.... I'm back online if you happen to be around. If not maybe I can catch you tomorrow.
Yes I am here.
Hey Dr. L.,
How are you doing today?