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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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Is not wanting to be a mother a dysfunctional OKMH0318217

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Is not wanting to be a mother a dysfunctional thing? I have never wanted to be a mother and always felt guilty about it. My first long term relationship ended because of that. I simply never felt attracted to the idea of having children. I know this would expose me to completetly new enviornment and people and I am simply not warming up to this idea. I recognize this as an obstacle when it comes to forming a relationship, because I do understand that it is a natural process, and I somehow do not want it. I felt like that 10 years ago and since then nothing has really changed. I never hide that fact and mentioned this at the beginning of two relationships that I had so far. Men tried to persuade that it will change with time, but it does not. Is this mean that something is awfully wrong with me?

Thanks for your question.

I can certainly understand how people would make you feel like this is a dysfunctional thing. However, your decision to not have kids is simply not the typical mindset that people are accustomed to. There are a lot of people who have kids because they feel like they are supposed to, and in actuality they are unprepared or never truly wanted to be parents in the first place, which tends to lead to a lot of problems. If you have given this decision proper consideration, and are aware of the pros and cons, then you are an adult and are perfectly capable of deciding whether or not you want to have kids. Deciding to not have kids is certainly a better decision than having kids because everyone else is, and if you are otherwise well adjusted and content with the long term implications of this, then there is no reason to believe that this is a result of any dysfunction. Despite people thinking you will change your mind, you're doing the right thing by being up front with people about this, and the right guy should accept and trust that you've thought this through when you say that you don't want to have kids.
I hope I've been able to answer your question and definitely wish you the best with all of this. Please let me know if there's anything else I can do to help,

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thank you.

If this was helpful and you wouldn't mind leaving me a positive review it would be much appreciated. All the best,

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