How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Dr. Mark Your Own Question
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5220
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Mark is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Im having relationship problems that, I think, are strongly

Resolved Question:

I'm having relationship problems that, I think, are strongly related to me not being able to feel much emotion about anything anymore. I have learned a bit about myself and talking it through with other people. I feel guilty about several events in my life. My father's unexpected death, at which I hesitated to perform CPR and feel as if I could have done more. Especially since he appeared to be having heart trouble before he died. Another event is an ex-girlfriend of mine who became pregnant, and we discussed at length about abortion and how against it I was due to my faith. She eventually had one anyone, and I feel I should have done more to stop it. Another time, I got involved with a best friend (girl) of mine that I shouldn't have because I didn't like her, and I knew our relationship was one of a therapist/patient type as most of our conversations were problems of her and her asking me for advice. Consistently, in my relationship currently, I feel guilty when I feel like someone is spending time doing something for me. I know I have a very low sense of self-worth and entitlement. I do generally feel uncomfortable when people give me any sort of compliment or do anything nice for me. No relationship I have been in in the past has been fully healthy or successful. Almost all of them involved me being treated very unfairly, yet I remained in the relationship to try to make them work. All in all, I have come to today where I feel very detached from even my own relationship with my girlfriend who I intend to marry. I know I love her. I can feel the sadness whenever I'm not with her and whenever we argue about stuff. However, I don't feel joy very much anymore after times when I feel guilty. I do have brief periods when I'm with her where I am just absolutely happy and I know it. I want to know where I should begin to search for help? Should I speak to a therapist about what? Where would I begin to talk to them about in my story? What should I start with? What might be wrong with me?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.

Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.

I can imagine how frustrating and distressing this situation must be for you. You have incredibly good insight into yourself and your behaviors. This is very important and you need to build on it as you begin therapy. And indeed, psychodynamic therapy would be very useful to you as it is based on building your sense of wholeness in your self through insight into your past.

There is a very powerful sense of opposing forces in your description of yourself. Your self seems to want to give so much of yourself to others, yet you are very held back. There is also a powerful sense of you needing to feel in control. And that seems to be at the root of a number of disparate themes in your life.

When faced with emergency situations where you would need to give up any sense of control of yourself and the situation and just be able to give of yourself spontaneously, you could not do that. And this has led to a sense of self doubt and loss of self worth. Being able to give oneself emotionally to one's feelings and to loving another person is a similar sense of letting go, even though it is different than the above example.

So for you, therapy is an opportunity to gain insight and a more positive relationship within yourself toward yourself and toward others. Let me give you two directories to look at that are good. You should focus on finding a psychologist or psychotherapist in your area who practices in a psychodynamic orientation. That's for gaining insight into yourself and your behavior.

Here is the web address for Psychology Today's therapist directory. You can sort by zip codes and when you see someone who seems like they might be helpful (you can see a photo of the therapist!) look at the listing and see if they list psychodynamic therapy in their orientations.

Good Therapy is a non profit directory. Same idea as the one above:

Okay, I wish you the very best!

My goal is for you to feel like you've gotten Great Service from me and the site. If we need to continue the discussion for that to happen, then please feel free to reply and we'll continue working on this. If the answer has given you the help you need, please remember to give a rating of 5 (Great Service) or 4 (Informative and helpful), or even 3 (Got the job done) button. This will make sure that I am credited for the answer and you are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing any of these buttons. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "For Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Let me get your insight on this before continuing with the rating. It seems at times that I do feel all the emotions I want to feel, then if I feel I've wronged someone, I try hard to recover and address this with whoever I've wronged, but when I start to feel guilty, I withdraw emotionally. After these occurrences, I feel very detached emotionally. I feel very detached from myself; I have suicidal thoughts; and a general apathy towards life, in general. How do I go about beginning to reconcile these issues in my mind or with a therapist?

I will say, I've read some of your answers already, and though they are somewhat personalized. They are not personalized to the extent I expected when I selected High detail. Your response here will directly relate to what I rate. If you feel like you need information from me to know more, please ask. I did want to know where to go, since I know I will need to see someone regularly about this, but I can find that information for myself with some research. I am coming to with this for the purpose of mental insight.

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.
Hi. I am going to opt out because I do not wish to work under a cloud of the rating being used against me. You know, when I wrote about the need to control, I was wondering about this and whether I should write to you or not. As you clearly recognize, our ratings are important to us. However, I feel most comfortable when it is a free flowing exchange between people. I answered you because I do sincerely XXXXX XXXXX are a good man and are trying very hard. So, before I go and open it to someone else to answer you, I wish you the very best and hope that you are able to use this experience with me to recognize that when you do go to therapy, you will need to let go of that need to control the therapy relationship and to just experience it. All the best to you, Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5220
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
Dr. Mark and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Previous | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ

Meet The Experts:

  • Dr. Keane

    Dr. Keane


    Satisfied Customers:

    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane


    Satisfied Customers:

    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC


    Satisfied Customers:

    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen


    Satisfied Customers:

    PsyD Psychologist
  • Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

    Satisfied Customers:

    ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
  • Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael


    Satisfied Customers:

    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist


    Satisfied Customers:

    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen


    Satisfied Customers:

    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education