Hi! I'll be glad to be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how frustrating and distressing this situation must be for you. You have incredibly good insight into yourself and your behaviors. This is very important and you need to build on it as you begin therapy. And indeed, psychodynamic therapy would be very useful to you as it is based on building your sense of wholeness in your self through insight into your past.
There is a very powerful sense of opposing forces in your description of yourself. Your self seems to want to give so much of yourself to others, yet you are very held back. There is also a powerful sense of you needing to feel in control. And that seems to be at the root of a number of disparate themes in your life.
When faced with emergency situations where you would need to give up any sense of control of yourself and the situation and just be able to give of yourself spontaneously, you could not do that. And this has led to a sense of self doubt and loss of self worth. Being able to give oneself emotionally to one's feelings and to loving another person is a similar sense of letting go, even though it is different than the above example.
So for you, therapy is an opportunity to gain insight and a more positive relationship within yourself toward yourself and toward others. Let me give you two directories to look at that are good. You should focus on finding a psychologist or psychotherapist in your area who practices in a psychodynamic orientation. That's for gaining insight into yourself and your behavior.
Here is the web address for Psychology Today's therapist directory. You can sort by zip codes and when you see someone who seems like they might be helpful (you can see a photo of the therapist!) look at the listing and see if they list psychodynamic therapy in their orientations.
Good Therapy is a non profit directory. Same idea as the one above:
Okay, I wish you the very best!
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