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I would like to help you with your question.
You are correct in believing that if he has not dealt with his grief from his dad's death those feelings may still be at play and could be part of his abuse of alcohol. Moving could also be re-triggering those feelings of abandonment he may have felt when his dad died.
Alcohol abuse is about "something"...and just quitting drinking isn't going to solve or resolve whatever that something is.
I think you are being wise in wanting to talk to him about seeing a professional. That could be a drug and alcohol professional, a psychologist, or a mental health professional.
I await your response.
That's exactly how i see it also. It is not just going to fix the issue. He needs to deal with what is making him want to drink excessively or even feel this way.Talking about his dad is not an easy subject for him and i never bring it up because i think it's for him to want to talk about and i don't want it to cause any disagreements between us. I just really want for him to get over this and get on with his life.
There is a very good book that I believe will be very helpful for both of you:
When Men Grieve. How Men Grieve Differently and How You Can Help.
This book is based on real stories from men who are grieving and then goes on to explain how the couple can work together to address the grief.
I really think you will find this helpful.
ok thank you. I will find a copy. In the meantime what can i do? Just be patient?
Yes...be patient with his grief and open to talking about his dad.
As to the drinking...please encourage him to see a chemical dependency counselor for an evaluation and to develop an approach to getting sober and addressing the emotional pain behind the drinking.
I also think part of it may be that we are currently living in different states because of work reasons
Joining an AA support group would also be beneficial. You might consider Al Anon as a way to gain support, information, and learn from others.
Yes...long distance relationships are very difficult...and if he has a tendency to feel abandoned...then he is likely feel abandoned by you as well. Does that make sense?
It's all making sense now. I know what i need to do. Thanks very much for your assistance with this. How can i let you know if the book helped?
You can write a new question and list my name at the beginning of the question. That way it will come directly to me.
Is there any last question I can help you with this evening?
You've been very helpful thank you... I now know what steps need to be taken next. Thank you.
You are very, very welcome.