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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist
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Since a very dear aunt died (2 months ago), I have been thinking

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Since a very dear aunt died (2 months ago), I have been thinking that it is not worth to do things because, anyway, I am going to die.

Dr. L :

Hello,

Dr. L :

I would like to help you with your question.

Dr. L :

I am sorry that your aunt died and that you are having such a difficult time. You are grieving and that is a normal and natural process. What often happens when someone we love dies, is that we begin to question our own mortality. As we wonder where our loved one is, what is happening to them, and ponder all that death means...we naturally come to think about our own death and what that will be. Because so many aspects of death are a mystery to us, there is no where for us to turn for real answers.

Dr. L :

Your aunt's death reminded you that death is inevitable and that someday you will also die. This is not a comforting thought and, like you, some grieving people do begin to wonder what life is about if in the end we are going to die and others will have to deal with the sadness and pain of grieving.

Dr. L :

I am going to suggest a good book for you to help you cope with you grief and will also refer you to a good article:

Dr. L :

Remembering With Love.Messages of Hope for the First Year of Grieving and Beyond.

Dr. L :

There is also a journal that can be bought to go along with this book. It is called:

Dr. L :

The Remembering With Love Journal.

Dr. L :

Here is a helpful piece about grief:

Dr. L :
THE FOUR TASKS OF MOURNING

ACCEPT THE REALITY OF THE LOSS

When someone dies, even if the death is expected, there is a sense that it hasn't happened. The first

task of grieving is to face the reality that the person is dead, that the person is gone and will not

return, that reunion in this life is impossible. Den

ying the facts of the loss, the meaning of the loss, or

the irreversibility of the loss only serves to prolong the grief process. Though denial or hope for

reunion is normal immediately after the loss, this illusion is usually short

-

lived.

EXPERIENCE THE

PAIN OF GRIEF

M

any people try to avoid the painful feelings by various ways such as "being strong", moving away,

avoiding painful thoughts, "keeping busy", etc. There is no adaptive way of avoiding it. You must

allow yourself to experience and express you

r feelings. Anger, guilt, loneliness, anxiety, and

depression are among the feelings and experiences that are normal during this time. Recall and

relate both pleasant and unpleasant memories of the deceased. Ask for the support of friends. Tell

them what y

ou need from them, because people often misunderstand the needs of grieving. Be

assured that the memory of your loved one will continue, but the pain will lessen in time and will

finally disappear.

ADJUST TO AN ENVIRONMENT WITH THE DECEASED MISSING

T

his

means different things to different people, depending on what the relationship was. Many

survivors, especially widowed persons, resent or fear having to develop new skills and to take on

roles that were formerly performed by the deceased. There may be many

practical daily affairs you

need help and advice with, but there will be a great sense of pride in being able to master these

challenges. The emotions involved in letting go are painful but necessary to experience. By not doing

so, you will remain stuck i

n the grief process and unable to resolve your loss.

WITHDRAW EMOTIONAL ENERGY AND REINVEST IT IN OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

The final task is to affect an emotional withdrawal from the deceased person so that this emotional

energy can be used in continuing a p

roductive life. This does not necessarily mean finding a new

spouse, surrogate mother, etc. It does mean re

-

entering the stream of life without your deceased

loved one. You must rebuild your own ways of satisfying your social, emotional, and practical need

s

by developing new or changed activities or relationships. This is NOT dishonoring the memory of the

deceased and doesn't mean that you love him or her any less. It simply recognizes that there are

other people and things to be loved and you are capable o

f loving.

Adapted from:

GRIEF COUNSELING AND GRIEF THERAPY by J. William Worden, Ph.D
Dr. L :

I await your response.

Dr. L :

Thank you.

Dr. L and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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